25 January 2017

Nick's Great

I decided not to tell Jenn about the whole pregnancy scare. I mean, she might read this blog and find out but we'll deal with that later. I just didn't want Sophia to know, and I didn't want to put pressure on Jenn to try and hide it, you know?

Speaking of Sophia.. her and Paul just celebrated their first anniversary! It was a bittersweet moment. We had planned on taking them out to celebrate, but Matt had to go brag about his stupid VR system so everyone ended up at our place. Ladies in the kitchen and boys playing video games. I have to admit some of the games are pretty cool, especially if your a little tipsy. But Matt is still a half cripple so he didn't get too much action... from the game.

I debated for a really long time about whether or not to invite Chloe. She hadn't reached out anymore, and I wasn't too sure she would even come. After running it by Sophia and Jenn, we decided to invite her and her "Liam". Do you guys remember her boyfriend Liam?... the guy who wears socks and sandals? What a tool!

Jenn and Nick, Sophia and Paul, Matthew and me, Chloe and Liam. What. A. Night.

First of all, Liam was at a huge disadvantage because Nick, Matt and Paul obviously all know each other and they're super tight. Coming in to that bromance would be rough on anyone. By the time Chloe and Liam arrived, the guys were already getting rowdy in the next room.

Chloe hugged me tight and thanked me for inviting her and I could tell it was sincere. She introduced everyone else to Liam, and he said hi. He was pretty polite the whole night, but very quiet and only spoke when spoken to. I feel bad for Chloe. She used to be so bubbly and outgoing, and I feekl like this guy has just sucked the life out of her. But you can't help someone who won't help themselves.. you know?

They left pretty early in the evening, and then I got a text from my brother asking if it was okay that he passed by. He didn't know anyone was over and I completely forgot to mention it. So he shows up to the door with beer... and Danny! My heart almost fell out of my ass. I tried to get Danny to leave before anyone saw him but it happened so quickly. Danny and Jenn locked eyes. Jenn glanced over at me and I mouthed "sorry" but I could see her crumbling behind her tough exterior.

Daniel {my brother} and Danny {Matt's brother} made their rounds saying hi to everyone and giving their congrats to Sophia and Paul. No one was really paying attention though, everyone's eyes were on Jenn and Danny.

Daniel pulled me into a hug and whispered. "What the fuck, Tor. A little heads up would have been nice."

"I didn't even think.." I was cut off my Jenn pulling me towards the bedroom.

I closed the door behind us and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. "I can't do this."

Verbal diarrhea. "Jenny. I'm so sorry. I didn't even think that he would have brought him. He asked if he could come by, he didn't even mention Danny and .. oh my God Jenny I'm so sorry."

"Tor.. shut up." She stared at me blankly. "I don't care that he's here. I just .. I thought I would be okay with seeing him again. I mean, I have Nick."

"Nick's great!" I said.

"Yea..." Jenn sighed. "But he's not Danny."

"Oh boy." I fell backwards, resting my head on the bed behind me. Jenn followed.

"I know. I'm so messed up."

"So what are we going to do?" I asked.

"I need to break up with Nick." Jenn said matter of factly. "I've been thinking about this for a while. I really like him, but something is missing."

"Okay." I sighed. "And what about Danny?"

"I don't know." We were both silent for a while. "He hurt me really bad, Tor."

"I know."

"I don't know if I could recover from that again."

"Well, you don't have to make any decisions tonight. We should get back out there though. I'll ask Danny to leave, but you should probably talk to Nick. As soon as possible."

"Yea..."

Jenn followed me out to meet everyone else, and we saw that Danny had already left. Apparently Matt told him to go home when he saw Jenn pull me into the bedroom. He's so observant that man of mine. I've only spoken to Danny once since the weekend, and he's been extremely apologetic. It's not his fault though, he had no idea she was there.

I have no idea what Jenn is going to do, but you know I'm going to keep you all posted!
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18 January 2017

This Can Not Happen Right Now

I've been feeling extremely emotional and hormonal the last few weeks, and that's so not me. I tried eating different, I tried meditating and doing more yoga, but I just couldn't shake it. I tried to think of any possible reason that my body was changing and the only common denominator was pregnancy. My period was super late too, so all signs pointed to baby.

Matt pulled in to the Shoppers parking lot at exactly 11:59 pm.{They close at midnight.} The blonde haired teen that tried to tell us that they were closed didn't stand a chance against Matt. As soon as he flashed those pearly whites he had her under his spell. She didn't look away from him for the whole three minutes we were in there.

From previous experience, I knew exactly what I was looking for and what aisle I had to raid, so I left Matt at the front with his new bff. I grabbed what I needed - and a lot of what I didn't, and we were on our way. I don't know if it's just me.. but when I go to Shoppers or Walmart I can never leave without spending at least $100 on useless stuff.

Matt pulled out of the parking lot and pulled into the McDonald's drive-thru. I looked over at him and he smiled sweetly, grabbing my knee for reassurance. Matt hates McDonald's so I knew he was trying to get me to cheer up. I hadn't said 2 words since we left Shoppers, and I barely looked at him. The stress of the whole situation was weighing so heavy on me. And, as you guys obviously know- I close up and get in my head when I start stressing.

When we got home, Matt put the Shoppers bag on the table, and sat beside me on the couch. I was sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest, staring at my nuggets on the coffee table. I couldn't even eat them- I had lost my appetite.

"You don't have to take it tonight." He whispered.

I didn't respond. I stared blankly at those damn nuggets until my eyes became waterfalls.

He pulled me into him and kissed my head as he rubbed my back. He didn't say anything. You can tell if your man really loves you when you start blowing snot bubbles from crying so hard and he doesn't get grossed out.

"Matt, this can't happen right now." I cried harder.

"I know. But, Tor..." He took a shaky breath. "I love you."

It's not that we don't want a baby. We've actually been talking about it a lot recently, and would love to bring a little Greek-Italian crazy into the world, but how could we possibly do that knowing our best friends are struggling so hard with the loss of their own.

"I just.. I don't know that I'll be happy either way." I looked up at him for the first time. Matt's eyes were glossy. He doesn't cry - he's too manly, but I knew right away he felt the same way.

If it was positive, we'd be beyond happy. But we would have the constant worry of hurting our friends even more than they already are. But if it was negative it would mean that the little burning excitement of having our own little human would be extinguished. Obviously we weren't actively trying to get pregnant, but the disappointment would still be there.

"I know." He said as he pulled me in tighter.

We sat like that for what felt like forever until I started to drift off into sleep. Matt was getting restless too, so we decided to go to bed and deal with reality in the morning.

I took three tests before Matt woke up. They were all negative.
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03 January 2017

Doing The Dirty

When we got home from the hospital, it was around 5 am. We were both so tired that we passed out in our clothes. I woke up around noon and snuggled close to him, throwing one leg over his torso. I wasn't fully awake yet, but Matt was. He was also butt naked. My lips met his as my hands trailed down his chest, he had somehow managed to undress himself in the middle of the night / morning, and I was not complaining. My fingers gently moved over him before pumping it just the way he likes. Matt moaned, rolling me onto my back. He tried to remove my sweater, but he has one arm in a sling, so I had to help him out. He licked around my right breast with his tongue, focusing mainly on my nipples. He moved to the left and then moved up, kissing my neck while he rolled my nipples between his callused fingers. My nails raked down his back, being careful not to touch his shoulder. I closed my eyes, enjoying the pleasure that flowed through my body.

I pulled down my yoga pants, taking my thong with them. Matt was leaning on his good side, so I straddled him again, trying not to make him do any of the work. He wasn't having it though. He pushed me back and held me down. Even with one arm out of order, he's stronger than me. I started to protest, but he covered my mouth with his. 
His fingers explored me and then he moved him self lower. His tongue licked me from top to bottom, making me shiver. My hands moved to the top of his head, pulling hard on his hair. I was close to orgasm when Matt stopped and worked his way up my body again.  He stared longingly into my eyes and thrust into me. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he moved in and out of me. He stopped moving abruptly and I could tell he was in pain, but he didn't want to show it.  I finally had enough of him trying to be strong and managed to get him on his back so I could take the lead. I stared deep into his eyes before starting up again, moving slowly, rotating my hips as I rode him in to oblivion. We both came instantly. Hard and loud. 

Neither one of us wanted to do anything, so we laid in bed naked for the rest of the afternoon. It wasn't long before we explored each other's bodies again ... and again. The last time, him finally letting me take control of him. We were on the brink of orgasm when my phone rang. I had ignored Jenn's first four calls, but a fifth had to mean it was important. 

"Hello?" I panted.

"Tor? Why are you out of breath? Oh my God are you guys doing the dirty?"

"Ew, who even says that anymore?" 

"Why are you answering your phone in the middle of sex?"

"You called five times, I assumed it was important." 

"I just hadn't heard from you all day. I got worried. I'm outside by the way." 

"Seriously?" I looked at Matt, who was amused by my awkward ass in the air phone conversation.

"Um, ya. You invited us over for dinner... remember?" No. I did not remember.

"Shit! Ya, okay, give me like ten minutes." 

"Oh no honey, you take your time." I heard her giggle before the call went dead. 

I threw my phone to the corner of the bed, and Matt asked what was up. "Well, Jenn and her man are here. I totally forgot we invited them over."

He burst out laughing and I followed. My friends don't really expect much less from me, and this was not the first time Jenn caught me in a compromising situation.... more on that later! We decided to finish off in the shower... killing two birds with one stone. Rushed to get dried off and look somewhat appropriate for company. 

I texted Jenn telling her to come up and answered the door with a towel wrapped around my still damp hair. Nick {Jenn's new man} didn't even try to hide the fact that he knew exactly what was going down a mere twenty minutes earlier, and gave me the sliest grin as we walked through the door. Jenn had no idea about Matt's fall though, so when she saw him all bandaged up she pretty much freaked out. 

We spent the rest of the night laughing away. I have to admit- I wasn't too fond of this Nick character in the beginning, but he's growing on me. He has a really witty sense of humour which I'm always drawn to in new people. Plus, I can tell by the way he looks at Jenn that he really cares about her. 

New Years Eve kind of sprung up on us, so we didn't have any plans until Sophia and Paul invited us over. they weren't in the partying mood, so they were just gonna stay in and order food - which I was totally down for. It ended up being a really nice night. We talked for hours while the guys played random board games that Paul has been saving since birth. It was really nice to see the light back in their eyes. Soph is more than a friend to me.. she's my sister and when she hurts I hurt. But seeing her laugh and smile again made me randomly burst into tears! 

Oh - have I told you guys that I do that now... I cry ALL THE TIME.  I don't know if it's my age or my hormones, but damn. I went from being a stone cold bitch to crying over a toilet paper commercial. Matt thinks he's softened me up and finds it's hilarious, but I think it really strange. I've literally had to switch to waterproof mascara! 

Anywho... I hope you all had a super fun and safe New Years Eve and I hope your 2017 kicks ass!! 
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