30 May 2016

He Put A Ring On It

Thursday night, Jenn and me took Sophia to her doctor to make sure she was in fact 100% pregnant, and calm her down about the effects of that one night of drinking. The doctor did all of her usual examinations, made her pee in a cup and then drew blood to be tested. All signs pointed to baby! I almost started to cry from excitement.. I can't wait to be an aunt!! Soph's doctor also assured her that it is way too early to have done any lasting damage to the baby, but from now on she should definitely not booze it up.

Jenn has been cold with me all week. {she's still mad at me that I let Danny call her from my phone}. I mean, she still talks to me, but she pretends she's mad. I know deep down she's happy I did it. They belong together. He knows it, she knows it, they're both just too stubborn to admit it. After finally getting Danny to crack, you would think that she would too- but no! She's gotta do it on her own terms, and I guess I can't blame her for that... he really did a number on her. I wouldn't ever side with a man that broke my best friend's heart, but after talking to him and coming to terms with the fact that him and me are so similar- I can't let her count him out just yet!

When Matt got back from his trip, we were so quick to move in together, that we haven't really had a chance to just sit and talk. I never got a chance to ask him about that phone call, and why he was acting so strange. Saturday, I had the perfect opportunity. We were on our way home from picking up his parents at the airport, and I suggested that we pick up some groceries so that I could make us a nice fresh lunch.

We finished eating around 2pm, and just lounged on the balcony taking in the beautiful weather. "Matthew?"

"Yea, babe?"

"Remember when I was talking to you on FaceTime, and you kinda drifted off into space?"

No response...

"Well, is everything okay? Is there something you needed to tell me?"

Matt was silent for the longest time. It honestly could have been ten seconds but it felt like ten minutes. All of a sudden he got up and went to the bedroom. I sat there wildly confused. Was I supposed to follow him? Was he coming back? Should I have kept my mouth shut?

Just as I was about to get up and follow him, he appeared in the doorway. "Come, sit." He demanded. I did as I was told, and sat on the couch. He sat beside me and took my hands in his. He stared right into my eyes and said "I never want you to think that I'm hiding anything from you."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just nodded and waited for him to continue. He shifted awkwardly and pulled out a ring box from his back pocket. I felt all of the blood drain from my face, and got light headed. I wasn't ready for this.

Mat laughed. "Relax, Tor. I'm not proposing." I breathed a sigh of relief. I know I've come a long way, but I still need some time y'all. "My grandmother doesn't think she's going to be around much longer, so she gave me the ring that my grandfather gave to her 70 years ago. She's been holing on to it, waiting for one of us to be ready to take it, and she said she saw something in me that made her decision easy. She had just given it to me before we called you, that's why I was so distracted, everything we've been through was rushing through my head. I knew she was right. Everything in my life started to make sense when I met you."

Cue the waterworks. I have been crying about literally everything lately, and I can't control it. I'm used to Matt being all mushy, he's hands down the more sentimental one in the relationship, but this, this just brought out all of the feels.

"Tor, I want you to wear this ring. Not as an engagement, but as a reminder of how much I love you."

Again, through sobs, I nodded. He pulled the ring out and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. It's a single oval emerald stone surrounded by a simple diamond halo. You couldn't even tell that it was 70 years old, the ring sparkled like it had just been purchased. I jumped on top of Matt and smothered him with kisses. He obviously just laughed at me, because that's what he does.

"I feel like saying how much I love you won't even begin to explain what I'm feeling right now." I said through tears.

"Victoria, I know how you better than you know yourself. You don't need to use words to express yourself. I know exactly what you feel, weather you tell me or show me."

So obviously I showed him... three times.

When we finally showered and dressed again, I made him Skype with his family in Greece so we could show his "yiayia". She seemed so happy, and said so many Greek words that I made Matt translate for me later one. She basically said how happy she was, how beautiful she thought I was, and how blessed she felt to have such a happy and healthy family. 

The ring was a tad bit small, but Matt had it re-sized as soon as he got back. I have no idea how he manages to do all this stuff behind my back! I haven't taken it off since and I don't ever plan on it. I obviously snapped a pic and sent it to Jenn and Sophia with the caption "he put a ring on it" and they both called me, freaking out. My parents and Matt's parents obviously already knew, and we're having them over for dinner this week so they can finally meet!

I feel like for the first time in a long time, all the pieces of my life are falling together. For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace.
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24 May 2016

I Do Not Have To Like You

So Matt and me have officially been together for a whole year! Not including the tiny bit of time that we were broken up.. But let's not talk about that.

We decided to "celebrate" this weekend by heading up to his family's cottage. It was a long weekend {Thank you, Queen Victoria!} so we headed up early Thursday morning to avoid the horrible summer weekend traffic.

No one had been up to the cottage since last Summer, so there was a lot that had to be done to clean it up and get ready for the warm weather. I don't know if you guys remember the cute older couple next door, Elaine and Martin, but they live there year round and had gotten a head start on opening up the cottage for us. They're so sweet!

Once we were settled in, Matt and me spent a glorious 2 days together doing nothing but laying out in the sun, and eating our fat asses off. I love that I don't have to pretend to be skinny in front of him. Matt's friends were coming up on Sunday morning and staying through Monday night, so we only had a little bit of actual alone time.  I had asked Jenn if she wanted to come up with us and get away for a bit, but she refused. I totally forgot that the cottage is where her and  Danny met! I'm such a horrible friend sometimes...

Danny did show up though. He didn't seem to be having a good time, and kept to himself for most of the weekend. I tried to avoid him as much as possible, but being the sneak he is, he managed to corner me in our bedroom early Monday morning.

"Tori, please talk to me!" Danny pleaded. I could see sincerity in his eyes, but I was still so mad at him for what he did to my best friend!

"Look, I'm not trying to make things awkward. You're my boyfriend's brother and I will respect you in that way. But I do not have to like you."

I could tell by the look on his face that what I had said cut him. We had all grown to be so close. I loved Danny like he was my own brother, but I couldn't ignore the fact that he ripped my best friend's heart out. He put his head down and started to walk away but my guilt kicked in.

"Wait." Danny turned around and looked up at me. "I love you, but I don't like what you did. I'll try not to let it come between us anymore though." Danny pulled me in for a hug and I knew right away that's what he needed to hear.

He pulled away slowly and asked "How is she?"

"She's.. hurt." I chose that word carefully. Of all the emotions Jenn had been feeling over the last few weeks, hurt was the one that pulled them all together. "What happened?"

Danny let out a huge breath, brushed his hand through his hair and sat down on the bed. "I panicked. Being in Greece really made me realize how much I love her and how badly I need her in my life. It scared the crap out of me. I don't do love, Tor. I never have. I've never even been in a relationship with one girl before."

This guy was the male version of me. How in the hell was I supposed to help him? I sat in front of him on the floor. "Do you want to be with her?"

"Of course I do."

"Have you told her any of this?"

He shook his head no. "She won't answer any of my calls."

I handed him my phone and dialed Jenn. I knew she would pick up right away. "You need to talk to her. Tell her everything you just told me. I can't promise you it will fix everything, but it wouldn't hurt." Danny squeezed my hand and I left the room to give them some privacy. I probably shouldn't get involved, but I know Jenn needed to hear what he had to say.

I spent the rest of Monday cleaning up the mess that the boys made while they continued their bro-fest outside. Matt came in when I was in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He leaned down and whispered "thank you" in to my ear. I knew what he was thanking me for, so instead of saying anything I turned around and kissed him gently.

Matt picked me up and set me down on the counter so that I was closer to his eye level. He spread my legs and stood between them, pulling me in closer. Matt's hands roamed under my shirt and rubbed against the thin fabric of my bikini top. I let out a loud moan and then I heard the door slam shut.

"Can you two get a room!" Danny yelled.

I pushed Matt away so fast that he stumbled backwards and hit his head on the hood fan above the stove. Matt yelled out some profanities at his brother while I searched for some ice to put on his head. For a big man, he sure does bruise easily. I tried so hard not to laugh, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. We all three bursted out laughing and Danny gave me the wink that told me everything was going to be okay.

As for Matthew and me, we didn't get a chance to finish hooking up before we had to head home. BUT I did make him pull over at a highway rest stop because I just couldn't wait any longer. I don't remember the last time I had sex in a car, but it is definitely not something I plan on doing again anytime soon...
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16 May 2016

More Than "I'm Sorry"

My brother has been dumped! I should probably feel bad for him, but I don't. I could not be happier right now. He called me early yesterday {Sunday}, the morning after it happened. I didn't want to answer my phone, but I gave in.

"Yes, Daniel." I've kicked up the sass with him.

"Hey, Tor. Can I come by and see you guys?"

"Why?" I asked, surprised. Why would he want to some by and see us, when he clearly disapproves of us living together?

"I just want to talk."

"We're talking right now."

"Victoria. Stop being a bitch."

"I'm not being a bitch Daniel! You said you want to talk.. so talk."

"She broke up with me." He whispered.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I heard him. I just wanted to hear it again.

He sighed, he knew what I was doing. "Kristen broke up with me." This was the first time he's ever said her name.

"Oh." I said. I contemplated telling him I wasn't home, or I was busy but again, I caved. "Okay, come over."

"I'm downstairs. Buzz me up."

"How did you know I was going to say yes?" I asked.

"I'm the one person you can never say no to..." He said it genuinely and he was right.

I hung up and waited in the doorway for him to make his way up the elevator. Matt was in the shower, so I quickly peeked my head in letting him know not to walk out butt naked. As much as I would have thoroughly enjoyed that...

Daniel came walking down the hall with a very odd expression on his face. He didn't look sad, but he didn't look relieved either. He looked like a lost puppy. Like someone who was unsure of where they were and who was around them. He walked in without saying a word to me and looked around while I poured some coffee.

"You can sit." I said, and handed him a cup.

"Tor, I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I don't think you know how sorry I am. I should never have put you in the position I did. I should never have attacked you the way I did. I should never have even gotten mixed up in that, but I'm happy I did."

I almost chocked on my coffee. "You are?"

"Yea." He nodded, confidently. "I learned a lot over the last few months." I sat there silently, hoping he would continue but he didn't. Just then Matt came out of the bedroom and kissed me on the head before giving my brother a stern handshake hello. He made some excuse about having to go by his parent's house, and left us to talk in private.

"So, what happened?" I asked.. I was curious.

"She said something about her guilt kicking in. She didn't feel like she could lie anymore." He didn't look up from his cup.

"Do you love her?"

His head popped up. "No. Absolutely not. It was just sex."

"Are you a sex addict?"

"Tor.."

"I'm serious!" I laughed.

"No, I am not a sex addict."

"And it's over for good?" I was trying to read his face.

"Yes."

"Kay."

"Kay?" He looked shocked. "That's it?"

"Well, what do you want me to say. I'm happy it's over, and I'm happy you finally came to your senses and took the time to come here. But it's gonna take more than "I'm Sorry" for me to like you again."

"I figured." He nodded, he knows how I am.. "But you still love me, right?"

"Obviously.. I kind of have to.."

We both laughed and smiled at each other and I knew things would be okay between us. He stayed a bit longer, but left before Matt got back. I filled him in on our conversation and he was even more relieved than I was. I apparently don't hide my feelings very well, and Matt was very secretly concerned about me. I guess this whole situation with my brother took more of a toll on me than I thought...

We spent the rest of the day in bed alternating between eating, sleeping and watching the Raptors kick some Miami ass! I feel so much lighter today though, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

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One Year

You guys!! I totally missed my one year blog anniversary... {It was May 1st} So happy anniversary to us! I can not believe that I started writing this blog one year ago..  but it really has me thinking about things that have happened over the past year, and how much my life has changed. Here's a quick list:

  1. I started to blog 
  2. I started dating Matthew 
  3. I quit my job
  4. I got my job back
  5. Me and Matthew broke up
  6. Me and Matthew got back together 
  7. Friends came and went
  8. My best friend got married
  9. My best friend got pregnant 
  10. I moved in with my boyfriend

These are just the main things that really have had an impact on the woman I've become over the last year. I'd always been a free spirit with no need to settle down, but I feel like in the last little while I've matured in so many ways. 

I never thought I would ever want to be in a committed relationship, let alone want to spend the rest of my life with one man. I hated the idea of being tied down, being vulnerable and exposed emotionally. I hated the idea of giving one person all of you, forever. But now I'm living with him, and I couldn't be happier.... who would have thunk! I hate getting all cheesy, but I really do owe a lot of who I am today to Matt. 

I've also become less tolerant of people that don't add value to my life. I love Jenn and Sophia to death, and will go to the end of the world for them, but not Chloe. She used to be my go-to, I feel like we had the same mentality about a lot of things, but as I grew up, she grew bitter. It's unfortunate, but I don't think it's the end of our friendship. I strongly believe that she will come around one day. Until then, I avoid her and her attitude. 

I can honestly also say that my relationship with my family has drastically changed. I used to be the girl that slept all day Saturday and Sunday and was up all night partying. Alcohol was my drug of choice. I would stumble into my room and wake up not remembering how or when I got home. My parents hated me. As much as they would never admit it to my face, I know how disappointed they were. As I grew out of that behavior, I started spending a lot more of my free time with them - they're pretty cool for two old Italians. 

At the end of the day I can honestly say that I'm pretty pleased with the way my life has worked out. For once, I'm dealing with other people's drama instead of creating my own! I really want to thank you guys for reading and giving me your honest opinions. From my day one readers to you new ones, thank you! 

Now... back to regular scheduled drama! 

xo Tori w
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12 May 2016

What The Hell Happened

The past week has been super crazy. Matthew came home, I moved out of my parent’s house, Danny and Jenn broke up, my brother is still an idiot, and Sophia is pregnant… but let me start from the beginning.

Late Thursday night, practically into Friday, Matt and Danny flew into Toronto. {Their parents are staying two more weeks.} Jenn and me both promised to pick them up at the airport, so I picked her up before heading down. She was unusually quiet the entire car ride and I must have asked her what was wrong at least 30 times, but she kept blaming the time, saying she was just tired. She looked genuinely happy when she saw Danny- and his whole face lit up when he saw her. As for Matthew, he practically tackled me in the terminal. That man does not know his own strength!

On the way to Matthew’s condo, he insisted on driving. I know he hates the way I drive, even though he won’t admit it. Matt does this thing where he keeps his non-driving hand in between my thighs {not in a sexual way} and it’s my absolute favorite. The boys shared stories about their trip and filled us in on all the latest family gossip. It was almost 3am when we finally got inside and settled down. Matt suggested that we sleep over, but Jenn was dead set against it. She blamed having to work in the morning and not having a change of clothes- a somewhat valid excuse. She fell asleep in the car on the way home, so I didn’t get the chance to figure out what was bothering her.

I spent the rest of the weekend at Matt’s. I filled him in on all of the drama going on at home, all of the drama going on at work, and how I made a complete fool of myself the night of the soccer game.  He laughed hysterically at that story and didn’t even get mad at me for almost kissing another man! Boyfriend of the year ladies and gentlemen!!! Anyways, he suggested that I move in with him for a while so that I could clear my head and escape the drama that is my brother and I agreed. My parents, being the super traditional Italians that they are, hate the idea of me living with a man before marriage, but they love Matt way too much to say anything about it.

My brother on the other hand didn’t hide his disapproval. I think it’s funny that he thinks it’s acceptable to sleep with another man’s wife, but me living with my boyfriend isn’t. It is now at the point where I completely ignore him. It sucks that it has to be like this- we used to be so close.

I hadn’t told anyone else that I was living with Matt yet , not even Jenn or Sophia, so I asked them to meet for coffee Monday night. We went to our usual coffee shop and I spilled the beans.

“I’m moving in with Matthew.”

“What?! When?!” Jenn asked.

“This week sometime. I already started moving some stuff over.”

“That’s amazing Tor! I’m so happy for you guys.” Sophia gushed. “I have some news too…” She paused for what felt like the longest 30 seconds of my life. “I’m pregnant.”

“OHMYGOD! Congratulations!” Jenn and me both shouted out. We got up and gave her the biggest hug. She didn’tlook too happy though, so I asked her what was wrong.

“I drank so much last weekend.. what if I hurt the baby? Paul said it will be okay, but what if it’s not?” Soph was in panic mode. We reassured her that it was still too early for any damage to have been done to the baby, but seeing her doctor ASAP might ease her concerns. She asked for us to go with her to the appointment, and of course we said yes!

Now as for Jenn and Danny, this is where shit gets weird. Tuesday night, Matt and me were sitting on the balcony, waiting for our pizza {duh} when both of our phones started ringing. Danny was calling him, and Jenn was calling me. We looked at each other and telepathically shared our concern while answering the calls. I could hear Danny yelling through Matt’s phone, and Jenn was sobbing on my end.

“What the hell happened?” Matt was yelling back at his brother.

“Jenn, sweetie, what’s going on?” I asked.

“I…I…we..ended.. broken.” Was all I could make out. I asked her to repeat herself slower and in nice clear words she said “Danny broke up with me.” My heart fell to the floor. I knew I needed to be with her, so I signaled to Matt that I was leaving and grabbed my keys on the way out the door. I made sure to keep her on the phone with me the entire time it took to get to where she was, and when I saw her she fell to my feet sobbing. I have never in the 15 years that we’ve been friends, seen Jenn cry.

We sat there on the floor for almost an hour before we spoke again. “What happened?”

She looked at me and took a deep breath. “He freaked out. He said that things were only supposed to be something casual from the beginning and that I tricked him into a relationship. I didn’t do that Tor, he’s the one that wanted more.” Turns out he hadn't made any effort to contact her the entire month that they were away, and seeing him at the airport intensified the feelings that she has for him. When she told him all of this, he started a huge fight that ended their relationship. She started to cry again and I stayed quiet. I texted Matt letting him know I was going to stay with her all night and he replied with threats to end his brother's life. I'm not gonna lie.. I was thinking things along the same line. 

Anyways, that was my week..I hope you guys had a better one!! Jenn has gone from sad to just plain angry now. Danny keeps calling her though, which doesn't make things any easier. I kind of wish he wasn't my boyfriend's brother.. It's like all of the Daniel's in my life are just so messed up. I am super excited that Sophia and Paul are having a baby though! They hadn't planned on getting pregnant any time soon, but God clearly had other plans. I can not wait until that little peanut arrives!
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03 May 2016

Don't Trust Her

So I wallowed in self pitty for a bit - and then I snapped out of it. I have never been the type of girl to depend on a man! Why the hell was I letting Matt's being out of the country be an excuse for me to be sad / depressed and act stupidly?!

I really don't know what snapped me out of it, but I woke up Friday morning with a whole new attitude towards the day. I passed Daniel in the hall as we were getting ready to go to work, said good morning and gave him a hug. {I haven't hugged him since before I found out about the married woman.} He looked at me a little strange, but eventually gave in and hugged me back. I think it's a step in the right direction to repairing our relationship, and honestly - I miss my brother.

I booked myself in for a {solo} spa day on Saturday, and met up with the girls for dinner and drinks later on in the night. My pampering session was so incredibly relaxing, I could feel the tension being released through every rub of the masseur's hands. {Yes, I get massaged by a man.}

We couldn't decide where to go for dinner, so we called up some friends of Sophia's from work who were on their way to Fring's. One of the girls she works with is dating a guy that is bffs with Drake- so we got in. I hate when people name drop. I think it's so tacky. But I was hungry so I went along with it. The place was crawling with local celebrities and the food was honestly phenomenal. If y'all are visiting Toronto- I highly recommend it, but you will need to make reservations in advance.

When we finished dinner, the rest of our party left and Jenn, Sophia and me moved to a bar down the street to grab drinks and unwind. I feel like this weekend was extra crazy- there were people everywhere. We managed to grab a small table at the back of the bar and even though we were extremely satisfied from dinner, we ordered appetizers.

"I will literally be fat forever." I laughed.

"First of all, you are not fat. Second of all, we walked all the way here so technically we worked off the calories from dinner. Third of all, I need another drink." Sophia said.

"We walked one block."

"In heels!" Sophia shouted and we all busted out laughing.

Needless to say, we had way too many drinks, and even more laughs. We decided to cab it home, but we all passed out in the back of the taxi and woke up on my driveway. The cab driver said I apparently gave him my address before falling asleep but I do not remember that. What I do remember was the three of us stumbling into my house at 3am and coming face to face with HER.

Daniel tried to be slick and hide her but she has already been spotted. I wasn't planning on telling the girls about what was going on, so I didn't bother introducing them to her. She smiled in my direction but I wasn't giving her the satisfaction of thinking I approve of her reckless behavior.

I looked at her, then to my brother and pointed right in her face. "Don't trust her."

That was all I said. I think.

When we woke up the Sunday morning {afternoon}, Paul was waiting downstairs with my brother. He's such a sweet husband. Jenn didn't have anywhere to be so we vegged on the couch all day. I could tell Daniel wanted to talk to me, but he knew better than to bring it up in front of Jenn. Him and his friends were going to the bar beside our house to watch the Raptors game. They invited Jenn and me to tag along, and we don't say no to beer and wings so... We ended up having a lot of fun. Daniel's friends are hilarious.

In other news... Matthew comes home in three days!! THREE DAYS!! I also need to do a major detox this week- I feel so crappy from all the alcohol / friend gross food I inhaled this weekend.. do you guys have any detox suggestions?!
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