27 April 2016

I'm A Horrible Person

Work has been kind of stressful lately. It honestly feels like people are expecting more work to be done in shorter periods of time, which creates unnecessary stress on everyone involved. I try my best to help everyone out so that we are all on schedule, but I’m only one woman!

Aside from the asshole that outed my blog, the guys at work have been acting super friendly with me. Maybe they all started reading it? Maybe they all now know how amazing my sex life is? I dunno – but it’s weird. There is a select few that I have always been really close with and hang out with all of the time, but now the other’s have started inviting themselves out too. I’m not saying that I hate the attention- but it just seems kind of strange, you know?

A group of the guys got together a while back and started a team that plays soccer during the summer months, and hockey during the winter months.  Soccer falls on Tuesday nights this year, and last night was their first game. In the past, I have gone to every single game. It was my way of interacting with the guys. Plus I was single and I enjoyed all of the male attention. I hadn’t been to a game since last summer, so they basically guilt tripped me into going last night.  

Their team is horrible! They lost by 9, and were coughing up their lungs on the side lines. In case you weren’t aware, these guys are all construction workers and they smoke all day long. Running around a field for an hour is pretty much passed the maximum exertion level that their bodies can handle. {they play in a league that is just for fun, thank God!} I have to say they did keep me entertained. It was nice to have a night out and not be caught up in all of the other drama going on in my life.

The game finished around 9 and we decided to go and get a beer to celebrate the first game of the season and the fact that no one passed out. The bar we usually go to is right down the street from the soccer centre, but there was no way these guys were walking, so we each got into our own cars and made our way over. I’m really close with one of the guys, we shall call him Kevin, so when he asked if he could ride with me I didn’t think twice and told him he could.

I felt extremely on edge since that phone call with Matt. When I feel like that and alcohol is around, I drink.  We were only at the bar for a little over an hour, and I had already put back 4 and a half beers. Kevin kept telling me to slow down because I had to drive home, but I assured him I was fine. He was being a little too controlling for me, and although now I see that he meant well, I just didn’t need him telling me what to do.
  1. I was not fine.
  2. me + beer = very bad
I eventually had to be driven home because - beer. Kevin was pretty plastered too, so Theo {another Greek God} offered to drive us both home. Kevin’s mom lived about 15 minutes from me, so he was just going to crash at her place. We dropped him off first and he stumbled into the garage while Theo and me watched and laughed. I made Theo stop at McDonald’s before dropping me off. I needed nuggets. The drive thru was closed, so he offered to go inside and get them for me- how sweet! 

While he was inside, Kevin called me to see if I had made it home safe. I told him about our last minute pit stop and he freaked! He started yelling at me about being irresponsible on a work night and how I take advantage of the fact that I work for my father's company. It's really nice to hear someone you think is a friend basically rip you to shreds. So, drunk Tori started to cry. 

When Theo got back to the car, I was pretty much a blubbering mess. He kept trying to console me and asked what was wrong and all that I could get out was "I'm a horrible person." I'm pretty sure he was starting to regret offering to drive me home at that point so I pulled myself together and thanked him for my nuggets. He had gotten himself a burger too so we sat and ate in silence. I didn't have an appetite anymore, but I still inhaled them.

Theo pulled in to my driveway and offered to walk me to the door, but I told him I was fine and leaned in for a hug to thank him for being MVP of my life. His lips brushed my cheek and we both froze. I don't know what I felt, but I felt something. 


"I need to go." I jumped out of his car so fast and pretty much ran inside. I almost kissed someone that wasn't my boyfriend. I'm not even very confident that it would have stopped at kissing. I'm a horrible person.

Anyways, I called in sick to work today. I just couldn't deal with anyone. Sometimes you just need the day, you know? 

25 April 2016

Face Time

You guys.. Matthew's mother FaceTime'd me!


His mother.

Not even my boyfriend..

I was laying in bed, catching up on Fuller House {don't judge me!} when my phone lit up that someone was trying to FaceTime me. It was a random number that I didn't know, and 99.9% of the time I never answer phone numbers that I don't recognize. But, seeing as I had nothing better to do, I thought I would entertain whoever was on the other end- and pressed the answer button.

When the call finally connected all I saw was an eyeball and I'm not gonna lie- I got kind of freaked out. I started to think someone was really fucking with me but then I heard the most angelic voice of all time...

"Ma, you gotta hold the phone farther away. She can't see you like that."

I jumped and sat upright trying to look more like a human being. "Matthew?!"

Matt's mom came into view and she waved to me as Matt hung out in the background. "Yea babe- I'm here."

"Hi Lena. Wow. How are you guys? How's Greece? Oh my God you're so tanned!" I asked eagerly. I had to pace myself cus I was starting to sound like a nerdy teenager talking to her crush.

"I'm here too- thanks for caring Tor." Danny popped into the frame and I laughed. They passed the phone around and introduced me to all- and I mean ALL of their family members. Matt has a huge family. I thought mine was big, but his easily doubles mine. They're all scattered around the world though, so that's pretty cool.

"We ALL missed you, so I made Matthew video call you. Technology is amazing!" Lena said. She's adorable.

"I miss you guys too! I hope you're not having too much fun without me."

I meant that innocently, but Danny had to pipe up in the background. "Don't worry Tor- Matt hasn't even talked to another female that isn't related to us." I laughed because it looked like they were related to the entire country. We continued catching up and passing me from one relative to another and before I knew it the call had lasted over an hour. {We were both on wifi though- thank God!}

Matt finally grabbed the phone away from everyone and took me outside for some privacy. He turned the camera around so I could see the view and my heart melted. His family is originally from a small town outside of Athens, but his cousins rented a beach house on the water to accommodate everyone and OH MY GOD it's beautiful. I was at a loss for words.



"I miss you." he whispered.

"I miss you too.." I whispered back. "But it looks like you guys are having so much fun!"

"I am, we are. It's nice getting to see everyone again. They all ask about you though."

"Why?" I was shocked. "How does anyone even know who I am?"

"Because my mother has a big mouth." He sighed.

"That's okay? I'm happy I got to meet everyone... kind of." Both me and Matt laughed.

We talked for a while catching up on each other’s few weeks apart.

"I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss the way your hair smells." Up until this point I was unaware that my hair had a smell.

"Matthew- you need to stop thinking about me and enjoy your trip! You’re in the most beautiful place I have ever seen with thousands of your closest family members!" 

"Thousands..?" Matt laughed. 

"Looks like it.” I said. “You do have some really sexy cousins though- any of them single?” I raised my eyebrows and winked at him. Matt was silent for a few seconds too long so being he awkward person I am... “You know I’m joking right?” No response.. “Matt?”

“Huh?.. Yea.” He didn’t even hear what I said.

“Are you okay?” I asked. I was genuinely concerned. He seemed so distant all of a sudden.

“Yea.. sorry.” I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but I wasn’t about to fight with him over FaceTime.

“Maybe you should go. We’ve been on the phone a long time.” I smiled.



“I love you.”

“Me too. I’ll see you soon.”

I felt extremely uneasy when we hung up. I couldn’t help but think that Matt was hiding something from me. Whenever he gets distracted like that- he has something big that he needs to say. I wasn't about to start harassing him while he's in another country though. 

I've always had this fear that he's going to find someone new and leave me. Someone skinnier. Someone prettier. Someone less annoying. Someone not as completely irrational as me... I still have no idea why he wants to be with me in the first place. Matthew is honestly one of a kind. He has everything you could possibly want in a dream man- intelligent, sexy, sweet, caring- legit the total package. And then there's me.. 

I guess that phone call kind of put me in a funk. As nice as it was to hear from Matt and his family, I still can't get passed the idea that there is going to be big news when he comes home. Whether it's good or bad- we shall see..

19 April 2016

Sister From Another... ?

A lot of random insignificant things have happened the last few weeks, so I decided to bring the post back up to real time! Thank you all again for sticking by me. w

So.. Matthew is gone for a whole month {two more weeks} and I'm sad. His grandmother lives in Greece and is celebrating her 90th birthday, so the entire family flew there to spend time with her. He really wanted me to go with him- but I said no. I feel like he really needed to spend this time with his family. I am regretting it now though..

I know it sounds bad.. but I literally have no idea what to do with my life when he's not around. I've completely re-organized my closet... twice... and did some serious "Spring" shopping. The thing about Matt is he's my best friend, which is so much more than just the future Mister Victoria Commisso. I can't just call him when I want to talk to him, or show up at his condo for random sexy time..  But Danny is gone too - so Jenn and me have been spending way all our free time together.

Normally, I would just harass my brother- but we're not really on speaking terms these days. After that whole conversation we had {about the married woman} I thought I knocked some sense into him, but no. He's still seeing this woman, and even brought her to our house! That's when I lost it. The fact that he's put himself in this situation is one thing, but don't drag the whole family into it!

I'm still convinced that her husband is going to put a hit on my brother. I might watch too many mafia movies- but it's not too far from reality these days. Anyways, I came home early from work one night and he was outside walking her to the car, and kissed her goodbye. As if this is all normal! I mean.. she is really pretty - like really, really pretty. But still- this is so wrong.  I don't know anymore- do you guys think I'm over reacting? I have a right to be upset with him.. right?

Since I had so much free time on my hands, I decided to call up one of my old friends from College. Allison was one of my best friends when we were in school. We partied together EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND... until she met her boyfriend {now fiance} Jeremy. I'm not hating- I'm just saying he kind of killed my youth... KIDDING!! I love that dork.

Allison is the complete opposite of me- and I think that's why we got along so well. She's super Canadian, and I was raised with a strong Italian culture. I have dark, curly hair and she has blonde, straight hair. She has eyes that are the bluest blue, and mine are more hazel / brown. She has giant boobs- I have a giant ass... balance I guess. She's always been like my sister from another... mister? I don't know how that sentence is supposed to finish. But anyways, after college we kind of only kept in touch to make sure we were both alive.

We met for brunch this past Sunday, and spent the rest of the afternoon shopping. It's finally sunny out- so we took advantage and strolled through Yorkville, which is one of my favorite places in Toronto. Spending the day with Allison was something I didn't know I needed. We talked about complete non-sense and she kept my mind off of the things going on in my life. I feel like I have been super stressed lately and she really was a breath of fresh air.

Allison and Jeremy are planning a destination wedding in the Bahamas and I am super excited. She asked if Matt and I would want to make the trip down and obviously I said yes! I feel like they're have a destination wedding to avoid having to invite random guests that they would have to invite if it were local... which I totally understand.

But yea, that's what my life has been the last few weeks. I hope y'all are doing well! Chit chat with me in the comments- I would love to learn where you guys are from / how you found my little old blog!! w

04 April 2016

Is Breakup Sex Still A Thing?

March 10, 2016

"We're just having fun, Tor. Relax!"

"This is not fun, Daniel! This is stupid and dangerous!!!"

A few days after we got back from Punta Cana, my brother revealed to me that he is dating sexing a married woman. Yes, I said sexing. They don't go on dates.. they go to random hotels and bang each other's brains out. Ew. It took me a really long time to process this- I even debated not posting about it but I vowed to include all aspects of my life so...

"Just chill. I only told you because I thought you of all people wouldn't judge me." Daniel and me have never really fought about anything, but this was escalating quickly. "Remember Ryan, Victoria?" That was a low blow and he knew it.

I froze. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I slowly nodded and walked out of his room. Bringing up the whole Ryan situation was probably the worst thing he could have done. I don't know if you guys remember him- he was the married guy I dated a while back. I didn't know he was married, and when I found out I ended things right away. This is a very different situation. He full well knows this broad is married and continues to sleep with her.

I grabbed my keys and my phone and left the house. I debated going to Matt's but I didn't want to get him involved in something that was between my brother and me. Jenn was with Danny and Soph is married so I drove to my chill spot. There's this park in my old neighborhood that has this cliff-like overlook that hardly anyone knows about. I always end up there when I need to be alone with my thoughts.

My trance broke when I heard a voice behind me. "You should find a new hiding spot."

"What are you doing here?"

"Tor, don't make this more than it is, we need to finish our talk." I stared at him blankly, I had no words for him. "We never fight and you have never walked out on me like that. I would rather you punch me in the face than give me the silent treatment."

"That can be arranged." I thought about it for a while and eventually decided that we did need to talk this out. Daniel has been there for me through everything and never once judged me. He always had my back, always took my side, even when we both knew I was wrong. "I just.. I can't believe you said that to me."

"Yea I know. That was shitty."

"So... talk! I want to know everything. Minus the dirty details."

Daniel let out a shaky breath and scratched the back of his head. He stared out at the view and started talking. "Well, we met at the hospital a few months ago." {He had brought one of his friends in for a quick day surgery thing.} "She was there with her dad and we started talking in the waiting room. There was obvious sexual chemistry, so he gave me her number and I called her a few days later. We met up a few times before she told me she was married. I told her I already knew- she was wearing her rings when we met." He let out a sigh and looked back towards me. "I thought it would be a one time thing. I didn't expect it to get this far."

"Wow." I sighed.

"Yeah..." Daniel continued. "I've tried to end things with her, but she keeps sucking me right back in. I broke up with her like four times already- but then we end up.. you know.. and it's always better than the time before. It never ends up being over."

"Is break up sex still a thing?" I asked.

"Sex is sex, Tor. Doesn't matter what the circumstances are that bring you to it." I sat there taking in this response. I used to be like this. I used to run to sex to solve everything- maybe we're wired the same way?

"So, wait. I'm trying to understand what you're telling me but.. where is her husband through all of this? Does she have kids? How OLD is she? Where do you guys even..meet?"

"She's 34- only a few years older than me. Her husband works a lot. He owns his own company so he's there pretty much all of the time. We alternate between two different hotels- I've been to her place once. And no, they don't have kids."

"Hmm. Do you think her husband suspects anything? What if he's some powerful business man? What if he order's your murder and makes it look like an accident? No amount of sex is worth that, Daniel!"

"I highly doubt that."

"Imagine this was your wife, and some little punk was fucking her brains out! You would probably tear him to shreds."

"My wife would never be neglected. She wouldn't need to look for other men to satisfy her." He was getting really defensive so I decided it was time to end the conversation.

"Look Daniel, I'm serious. I can't tell you what to do, but in my super awesome sisterly opinion- you should seriously end this. You're playing with fire. At the end of the day it's your choice- but you clearly told me for a reason."

He looked out into the distance and nodded.
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