29 December 2016

He Cheated On Her With Me

*I'm going to start posting again.. when I can! Thank you all so much for the love, and for sticking by me in the rough times. It really means more than you know.*
___
So the other night, Matthew decided it would be a good idea to try out some new virtual reality gaming console that he got as a Christmas gift... from himself. {Insert eye roll emoji here.} Needless to say, he ended up smashing through the glass coffee table, and breaking three chairs. THREE!!! He also dislocated his shoulder and got six stitches on his forehead - which I find extremely hilarious. I mean, I didn't laugh in the moment, but it's pretty funny when you look back. Just picture the hulk taking a tumble with the least amount of grace possible. Yup - that's my boyfriend!

We ended up spending the rest on the night in the hospital so they could make sure he didn't have a concussion too. While we were there though, I ran into this girl Erica I went to high school with. Erica hated my existence throughout all of high school. She completely avoided me for a whole thirty seconds before her boyfriend Mike pointed me out and came rushing over to give me a hug. He and I have always been super tight - hence the hatred she has towards me. Plus, I might have had the tiniest crush on him at one point... and mayyyybe he cheated on her with me. {I never said I was proud of my past.}

Mike and I had pretty much all of the same classes throughout high school. We were in all "Academic" classes which is basically the more difficult / advanced program, while Erica, Jenn and Sophia were all in the "Applied" classes. They were close friends too, I actually think Jenn still talks to her. Mine and Mike's last names are similar, so we were always sat next to each other. It's hard not to be attracted to a ridiculously gorgeous man that you spend all 8 hours of the school day with. {Who also lets you cheat off of him when you "forget" to do your homework.} Mike had the perfect balance of good looks and good heart.

Mike and me were always partners when group assignments came up, so we spent A LOT of time together. I would go over to his house, or he would come to mine. Mike confided in me about a lot of stuff too. Family troubles, relationship issues with Erica, keeping good grades so he could stay on the hockey team... the usual high school student's issues. We were just really good friends. We were pretending to study one night and my parents left us home alone. They knew Mike really well by this point and trusted us to be alone together. Rookie mistake. We were in our last year of high school, so we were both non-virginal, which meant we really didn't have to worry about the whole awkwardness of first time jitters.

Mike got up to get a drink and placed a bottle of water in front of me. He could have very easily sat down and passed it, but he didn't. He leaned over me from behind and let his body rest against mine for a way longer than it needed to. He also let his breath linger on my neck, which we had just talked about being one of my major weaknesses. I wish I could say that I pushed him away and reminded him that he had a girlfriend, but I didn't. I was young and horny too! That was the beginning to one of my best school years. We hooked up anywhere we could. His house, my house, his car, the change rooms at the rink, empty classrooms... yea, we were THOSE people.

We hooked up for almost a year before we got caught. I didn't initiate what happened between us, he did, but I took the blame when Erica found out. He really did love her, he was just super horny and I didn't say no. We pretty much lost contact after that. We went to different colleges and even when there were "reunion" type parties, we never seemed to attend the same ones. I'm pretty sure Erica had something to do with that...

"Victoria?!" Mike asked, as he pulled me in for a hug. "How the hell have you been? Where the hell have you been?" He kept his grip on my arms and held me at arms length, analyzing me up and down.

"Hello, Michael." I laughed as he squeezed the air out of my lungs. "Hey." I nodded towards Erica. She plastered a fake smile on her face and nodded back but didn't say anything. I don't blame her for hating me back then... I wouldn't like me either if I was her. But it's been like 10 years now.. She clearly has had work done too. Her boobs were never that big... and neither was her ass. Mike on the other hand, had gotten better looking with age.

"What are you doing here?" Mike asked. He was looking around to see if I was with anyone else.

"Matt .. my boyfriend, he fell." I stumbled through that sentence. "He's in the room down the hall."

They both made the effort to look over my shoulder, not that they could see anything. "I didn't know you were dating anyone." Mike looked directly into my eyes when he asked it.

"Yea, for over a year now." I smiled. "What brings you here?" I asked.

Erica piped up for the first time. "Michael's sister is in labour." She put the emphasis on Michael. She hates that I call him by his full name. "We're just so happy for her." Erica put her hand on Mike's chest, displaying a very large engagement ring.

"Sara?" I asked Mike, ignoring Erica and her attempt at bragging. Mike has two younger sisters, Sara being the only one I've ever met.

"Yea." He smiled. "My baby sister is having a baby... it's crazy." He ran his hand through his hair, and I had a flashback to Grade 10 math. He always had longer, curly hair that he refused to style. It always fell into his eyes, so he would constantly run his hands through it. Not much has changed.

"Aw that's so exciting! Congratulate her for me. And congratulations to you too, Zio!" {Zio means uncle in Italian.}

"Thanks." He smiled. "You should come by and see her... when she's home with the baby. Now is probably not the best time." He laughed. "I'm sure she'd like to see you and catch up."

I could feel Erica's blood pressure starting to spike so I smiled and said "Absolutely!" I'm only a grown up sometimes...

We exchanged phone numbers and said our goodbyes as I walked over to the room Matt was in. He asked what took so long, so I gave him the run down of my little blast from the past.

"Seriously, Tor. Drama follows you everywhere."

"There was no drama! I was very pleasant." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Right."

"I'm going to blame your sour ass attitude on the pain you're pretending you're not in."

He narrowed his eyes at me. He wouldn't dare admit that I was right. "So, how bad were you in high school?" His little smirk coming through.

"Oh, Matthew." I put my hand on his leg. "You have no idea." 
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20 December 2016

I Miss This

Hi babes! I miss writing for you guys so much.. I took for granted how much it really helped clear my head and put things into perspective for me! I've been receiving emails with so many well wishes {THANK YOU!!} and some asking for an update so I decided to rock this post out for you all.

First things first - no, Matthew and me did not break up. That seems to be the number one concern y'all have! Yes, we fight once in a while, but that's because we're both equally stubborn and in our feelings. When something tragic happened in our lives, neither one of us really knew how to cope and we took it out on each other. But we're so good now!

Jenn has been dating that guy Nick that she went on a date with. You know.. the one that caused her anxiety attack {LOL} not funny in the moment, but now it kind of is. I'm not sure if I like him yet {which is probably because I still see her and Danny together forever} but I guess only time will tell. He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong, but I dunno... She seems happy so Matt made me promise I will not ruin it for her. {Like I would do something like that...}

Speaking of Danny, him and my brother are still living together. Their little bromance is stronger than ever, even though they're both in love with the same girl. Weird, eh? Anyways, they've both been casually dating these two fucking bimbos. I swear.. it's like men get more stupid after they fall in love. Well, Danny fucked it up so I know his little bimbo is just to pass the time. My bother on the other hand... I've just given up on him.

Sophia and Paul have been doing really well too. They started going to counselling to help cope with the loss of the baby and I've seen such a huge improvement in Soph. She smiles again, she actually gets dressed and goes to work and she makes an effort to join in on social events. Paul is still super cautious with her though. I know it really scared him to see her that way and the fact that he had left her alone so much really took a toll on him. Him and Matt have been bffs lately though... strange, I know. I'm not too sure if they're gonna try and have a rainbow baby anytime soon, but they're still so young so they have lots of time!

Anyways.. that's all I have for you guys right now! I'm going to see if I can start regular posting again after the holidays.... is that something you guys would like? Let a girl know!

Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays!!

xo Tori
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24 October 2016

Hard to Move On

Hi guys..

I've be debating over the last few weeks on what to do with the blog and I've decided to end it for now. Life hasn't been too exciting lately, and I just feel like I'm in some sort of funk that I can't get out of. I don't want to keep posting depressing shit but here is the latest update on my life...

Things between Matt and me have been really rocky lately. I feel like we've had so many special moments, and we have nothing but love for each other, but our tempers clash so often it's unreal. The smallest things get to us too. If I leave the light on in the closet - which I ALWAYS do, he freaks on me. If he leaves the toilet seat up - which he ALWAYS does, I lose it on him. It's the smallest, pettiest things that get us going. We're still together, we still live together, but I don't know what the future holds if we don't get over this hump.

Sophia's loss took a toll on all of us. I really didn't think it would affect us the way that it has, but we've been trying to stay strong and positive for her. She's been healing slowly, but it will definately bre hard to move on. Matt won't admit it but I know it's affected him as well. He was so excited to have a baby join the craziness of our lives. He and Paul have found this new bond though, and I guess that's a good thing... It's just crazy how one major life event has turned all our worlds upside down.

My brother Daniel and Matt's brother Danny are now living together which is weird but whatever. They've found some sort of companionship in each other that makes sense to only them. They're alike in a lot of ways I guess.. it's just weird for me that they've gotten so close.

Jenn forgot the password to her blogger account so that's why she hasn't posted anything... I don't think it was really for her anyways. Her and Danny have started talking again. I think they'll end up together {they're meant to be} but they're taking baby steps. She keeps trying to push him away but that man is a fighter! And, as much as she won't admit it - she loves being chased by him.

That's all I have for you guys. I wish it was a more positive post and I really wish I didn't have to end things but for me, right now, it feels right.

xo, Tori
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04 October 2016

So Much Sadness

It's been such a rough patch for us all these last few weeks. I was given permission to write the next little bit.. it's super personal and extremely sad.

Sophia lost the baby.

It was late Tuesday night when she called. I could barely understand what she was saying, she was crying hysterically. Paul was working late again, and she couldn't get a hold of him so she called me. I still didn't fully understand what she needed, but I jumped out of bed, got dressed and made my way to her house. I woke Matt and told him to try and locate Paul- I knew something was wrong.

When I got to their house the front door was locked and Soph wasn't answering, so I broke in through her garage. {I know the pass code, and luckily the door to go inside was unlocked.} All of the lights were off except for the light in the bedroom at the top of the stairs. I made my way upstairs, praying that everything was okay, but my gut knew it wasn't.

Nothing in life could ever prepare you for what I saw.

Her bed was full of blood. At first I thought someone broke in and tried to harm her, but then it clicked. There was a trail of droplets towards the bathroom where she was laying on the floor in the fetal position. She was quiet and still, but when she looked up and saw me she broke down again. I knelt on the floor and held her, dialing 911 at the same time.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to fall to the floor and cry with her, but I knew I had to be strong. For her sake, and mine.

The paramedics came within minutes and carried her out on a stretcher. Soph didn't want to be alone, so I traveled in the back of the ambulance with her, making all the calls I needed to make, never letting go of her hand. Matt hadn't been able to get a hold of Paul, so he got in his car and drove to Paul's office. He had fallen asleep at his desk with his cell phone of. Matt woke him up and when he told him what was going on offered to drive since Paul was in no condition to be behind the wheel. Matt told me that he cried the whole way. He felt guilty that he wasn't there for her in the last few months, but he's been taking on extra work to bring in more money for their growing family. Matt and Paul never really got along, but Matt instantly felt a lifelong bond growing between them.

They arrived at the hospital 20 minutes after us, and they already had Soph hooked up to so many machines. Paul freaked out when he saw her like that. She lost so much blood that she needed a small transfusion plus an IV to keep her hydrated. They were still doing tests to verify that she did in fact lose the baby.

We all knew what happened, but no one could say it.

After almost 2 hours, Matt and me decided to leave the hospital and let Soph get some rest. Her parents had shown up and Paul hadn't left her side once. She was in good hands. I called Jenn to let her know what was going on, and she offered to go to Soph's house to clean up. I didn't even think of that so I told her I would meet her there.

I don't think I cried until we were finished cleaning. Matt tried to console me, but I think I was just too tired and sad to even know what was going on. I had never seen Soph in such pain and with so much sadness in her eyes. Poor Jenn was so out of the loop too that she just sat there stunned.

The rest of the week went by like a blur. They didn't discharge Soph for another two days. The doctor wanted to keep her in for both physical and mental observation. Paul kept us up to date with everything, and we met her at the house when she was finally able to come home.

We had to plan a funeral for their baby girl. {They named her Liliana.} It wasn't a full sized funeral, but a blessing and a burial with just the closest family members. When a miscarriage happens passed the six month mark it is considered a stillbirth, and it is up to the family to decide the next steps.

I've spoken with Sophia and Paul every night since and she's still extremely devastated, but she's not in much physical pain anymore. I don't know how long it will take her to heal from this, but I hope it doesn't stop her from trying again.

This whole experience has made me realize that Paul really does love her endlessly. He's been by her side since that night. He hasn't gone back to work and if he has to leave for food or any reason he makes sure that someone is home with her and always has his phone on. I feel horrible for ever doubting Paul and his love for Sophia.
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12 September 2016

At Last

Hii guys.. I didn't go MIA again!!

Remember I told you about my friend Allison and her wedding in Bahamas.. well that was this past weekend. Matthew and I flew down last Sunday and spent a few days to ourselves before the wedding. I meant to post before we left but time got away from me...

Allison and Jeremy had everything planned out so perfectly. Allison has always been super organized. She used to write things out over and over so that it didn't look messy and she would constantly try and schedule my life for me. Try being the keyword.

Everyone was always so shocked that we were as close as we were in College. Allison was definitely more serious and studious and I always just went with the flow. She would spend all day studying and prepping for tests and I would just sit there and flirt with boys. I always got better grades than her too- which I know she secretly hates me for. I couldn't help it.. I just retain information easily. In our adult lives though, you could see the differences. Allison and Jeremy are so calm and calculated whereas Matt and me are just plain chaos.

Thursday evening they hosted a cocktail party for all of the guests that had arrived from out of town. Matthew and me made friends with another couple Leslie and Graham. Leslie is Jeremy's cousin. I'm pretty sure I might have met her at a birthday or something but I couldn't really remember so I kept my mouth shut. Graham worked in the same industry as Matt so they compared notes and talked pretty much the whole night while Leslie and me got drunk.

There weren't any plans for Friday, so we ended up spending the day with Leslie and Graham again. We I didn't crawl out of bed until almost 1:00 pm, so we decided to get some lunch and spend the day by the pool. I didn't want to risk getting a bad sunburn the day before the wedding so I sat in the shade. I'm pretty sure I was also extremely hungover from the night before because just standing in the sun was making my head spin. Leslie didn't feel anywhere near as horrible as me, so clearly my partying days are over.

Later in the afternoon, we were all just chilling in the pool, and Leslie was getting way too touchy feely with Matthew. Allison and Jeremy had joined us at this point, and she could tell that I was starting to get irritated. I'm not a jealous person, but I am territorial... what's mine is mine! Allison asked Leslie to go and get some food with her, and gave me a knowing smile. I love that girl... she can read my mind like no one else.

The day of the wedding was beautiful. It rained a bit in the morning, but the sun came out dried up every last drop. Allison wore a long flowy dress, similar to this one. She wore her long blonde hair in a lose braid with a flower tucked behind her ear and went barefoot. She's beyond stunning. The bridesmaids wore long flowy dresses as well, but in a pretty floral pattern. Jeremy and his men all suited up in light grey- and traditional converse all stars. Typical Jeremy.

I was originally planning on wearing a long dress as well, but I ordered this dress super last minute, and it showed up at my door literally one hour before we left for the airport. Thank goodness it fit! I'm not crazy about blue, I feel like it makes me look washed out, but it looked so nice with my tan. Matthew of course looked extra sexual. He wore bluish grey pants that framed his beautiful behind and a white dress shirt that fit him even better. He had brought a jacket and tie, but decided to go without. He just looked so perfectly undone.

Leslie kept looking back at Matt through the whole ceremony. It should have irritated me but I secretly love when women stare at him. I know he only ever has eyes for me. They can look, but they can not touch.. that's when crazy Tori comes out! The rest of the night was magical. Allison and Jeremy's first dance was to "At Last" by Etta James, and I cried. Not like a Kim K ugly cry, but a few solid tears trickled down. Matt noticed, so he pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. Even in heels he towers over me.

Overall, we had an amazing trip. We both got to relax and catch up on some much needed rest. I feel like the last few months have been so mentally draining for both of us. You don't realize how much of a toll it takes on your body until you finally get a chance to relax. We also spent the week without turning our phones on - which I think helped a lot.

I hate sounding so corny, but I can't imagine what my life would be without Matthew. It's crazy to think that just over a year ago I swore I would never be in a long term relationship, and now here I am, wanting to spend every waking moment with this man. I'm so grateful for him and everything that he's brought to my life.

But enough with the mushy stuff.. my next post will be back to regular scheduled drama!
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19 August 2016

There's No Such Thing As Too Much Sex

"Like once a week.. twice if I'm lucky."

"That's it?!" My eyes almost popped out of my head. Sophia was complaining about her and Paul's lack of sex life since she found out she was pregnant, and to be honest, I felt for the girl. 

"Ya... I'm going crazy! I mean, I know he's been really stressed lately. Working late and so tired when he comes home, but shit. I have needs! And these damn pregnancy hormones make it even worse." 

"Wow. I can't think of one guy that would ever say no to you." I really couldn't. Every single man I have ever met wanted a piece of Soph- she's a bombshell. 

"It's never been this bad. He wanted it even more than me before, but now.. I'm tired of begging." 

"Get a side man." I was half kidding.

"Tor!"

"What? If your man doesn't want to fulfill your sexual needs, than you should find one that will." 

"I'm married! I can't just fuck the first man I see." I shrugged my shoulders. I was already not a fan of Paul and this wasn't helping his case. "So you're telling me if Matt all of a sudden slowed it down, you'd go and find another man?" 

"First off, that would never be a problem for us. And second, Matthew and me are not married, so maybe." 

"Yea. You guys have way too much." She rolled her eyes.

"There's no such thing as too much sex." I winked. "Go and get yourself some toys, take the edge off."

"I would never!" Sophia sighed. "I would be way too embarrassed."

"You do not need to be embarrassed. I'll come with you. I could use some new ones."

"You still use them?"

"Uh.. ya."

"But doesn't Matt fulfill your needs?"

"Always. But it's nice to have fun sometimes." I winked.

"Okay. Time to change the subject." I laughed as Soph shook her head.

I remember the first time I ever used a toy with Matt.. We we super drunk - obviously - and we were playing truth or dare, like the adults we are. He asked me if I had ever used a vibrator and I looked at him like he had 5 heads.

"Uh.. ya."

"Really?" He sat up straighter.

"I'm pretty sure I even have one in my car." I though out loud. "Have you never..?"

"No...Why would it be in your car?"

"Sometimes traffic makes me horny." I waited for his reaction and then fell to the floor laughing.

"You're an idiot sometimes, Tor."

"I just bought a new one, and I think it's still in my car." I said truthfully. "Wanna see?" I jumped up before he could answer and ran out to the car to get it.

"This is it." I pulled it out of the packaging and handed it over to Matt.

"Hmm. It's tiny." Matt examined it.

"Ya. I usually use it like for a quickie or like around my butt." Matt's eyes lit up. "Wanna try it?" I was fully joking, but Matt was way more interested in it than I thought. So we moved our party to the bedroom.

I layed on the bed naked, propped up by some pillows and turned it on. {Yes, I washed it first!} Matt was still standing at the foot of the bed, watching. I'm still not sure if he was way too drunk to comprehend what was happening, or of he was truly in awe. I lowered it to my clit and adjusted myself to a more comfortable position.

"Are you going to join me, or is this going to be a solo show?"

"I.. I don't even know.."

"Come here."

Matt kneeled on the bed and crawled the two steps towards me. I put the vibrator in his hand and brought it down between my legs. I held him there for a bit, but when I started to get tingles, I gave him his next instructions.

"Lower."

"What?"

"Move it lower."

Matt guided it slowly down my slit, waiting for me to tell him when to stop.

"There. Slide it half way in."

Matt did what he was told. I was so close to the edge at this point, I wasn't even sure I was making sense.

"Now, fuck me."

"With that there?"

I nodded and pulled him in close to me. I didn't have to do much convincing though, Matt was inside me before my next breath.

"Holy shit, Tor." He froze when he felt the sensation. "I don't know if I'm gonna last very long."

Neither one of us did. We both unraveled within seconds. BEST SEX EVER. 
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15 August 2016

That's A Horrible Idea

This weekend was one of Matt's high school friend's wedding. Joe and Lisa have been dating since they were in the tenth grade. Which was more than ten years ago! Their wedding was beyond beautiful, too. I spoke with Joe earlier in the night, before he was too intoxicated to remember his own name, and he told me that he waited so long to propose because he wanted to make sure he could give Lisa the perfect wedding she always wanted. How adorable is that?!

It was an outdoor wedding, which was so risky this weekend! {We had crazy thunderstorms.} Obviously you wouldn't know this when booking, but with their luck, the rain held off for the entire ceremony, and started up again once we were all inside, ready to party. I decided on wearing a new dress that I just purchased from the Nordstrom sale, with these shoes and clutch. {clearly, I went a little overboard..} Matt almost fell to the floor when he saw what I was wearing. I never wear dresses that short or tight so he enjoyed the treat.

When we arrived, the groomsmen were seating people, and the bridesmaids were serving champagne cocktails. I already knew these were my kind of people! I had only met Joe and Lisa once, and we seemed to get along. Lisa is crazy like me.. LOL!  Anyways, the ceremony was so full of love. They wrote their own vows that had everyone in tears, even Matt trickled one or two.

The ceremony ended, and we went straight into the dinning room. My breath caught in my chest. The set up was beyond stunning. The tables were dripping in gold and pearls. Candelabras with antique style candles lit up the entire room, and smaller ones were the centerpiece on each table. It kind of looked like the underground setting from The Phantom of The Opera - which I am OBSESSED with! It was a very romantic and sensual set up.

Danny showed up half way through dinner. He wasn't going to come, but since he had RSVP'd he felt bad not attending. {He RSVP'd for 2, assuming Jenn would be with him.} He looks good. I know both him and Jenn have been going through it differently, but I think Danny took it harder than her. He blames himself for hurting her so bad {which he should} and he can't seem to cope with that. They do say that women heal faster then men...

He said his congratulations to Joe and Lisa, and then joined our table. We had left the seat next to Matt empty, assuming he would show up. Danny said hello to everyone at the table, which were all old friends, and then came up and kissed me on the cheek. He asked if he could talk to me in private, so I excused myself from the table and followed him into the lobby.

"Holy shit, Tor." Danny said when he turned around. "I can not believe Matt let you out of the house like that."

"Like what?" I looked down at my dress. I didn't think it was that short.

"You look like a smoke show. If you were my girl, I would lock you up." I rolled my eyes. He's such a pig sometimes. "Don't get me wrong.. you look amazing. Like beyond amazing."

I blushed a little. Danny has never complimented me on my looks EVER. "So what did you need to talk to me about?"

"Oh, ya, so I think I know how I can get Jenn back.." His eyes lit up and my heart sunk. I looked in his eyes and nodded for him to continue. "I heard Caroline is setting her up on blind dates, so I was thinking, I could get Caroline to set me up with her."

"That's a horrible idea."

"What? Why?"

"Well first of all, Caroline hates you. Second of all, Jenn would kill her. Third, Jenn would kill you. Fourth, she'll probably never trust another person in her whole life."

Danny sighed and out his head in his hands. My heart really does break for him. I feel like him and Jenn are so perfect for each other, but their equally as stupid when it comes to love. But again, I promised I wouldn't get involved, so I have to sit back and watch two train-wrecks try and deal.

"Do you think I'll ever get her back?" He asked softly. I could see his eyes starting to glaze over.

"Danny.." I took his hands in mine. "I truly believe you guys need to be together, but I have no idea how or when it will happen. I don't think you should give up on her, but I also think you need to give her space and let her come to you."

"Yea.. I know how hard headed she is." He smiled. "That's why I fell in love with her." I laughed and he pulled me in for a hug. "Thanks, Tor. You're the only person who keeps it real with me these days."

"You're like a brother to me, I don't want to see you hurting. So go in there and have some fun."

Danny stood up and put his hand out to help me up from my seat. "After you."

"You should walk in front of me, I don't need you checking me out from behind."

Danny laughed and put his hands up in surrender. "I had no idea Matt was dating a Victoria Secret model."

"Ya, okay!"

When we got back to the table, Matt asked what were laughing about.  "I was just admiring Tori's perfect ass."

The nerve in Matt's neck started to bulge. "Dude, I'll punch you." We both started laughing again and Matt pulled me in closer. "You're not leaving my side tonight."

"I wouldn't dream of it." I pulled him in for a long lingering kiss. A preview of what would come later.
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08 August 2016

Quiet Little Moans

When I told Matt what my brother had done, all he could do was laugh.

"You have to admit Tor, the guy has balls."

"He's such a moron though. Are you going to tell Danny?"

"Nah. That's between them."

I pulled the blanket around me tighter. For some odd reason, when I'm concerned or lost in my own thoughts, I get really cold. We were having a lazy Sunday, cuddling and watching TV. I have no idea what were watching though, my brain was somewhere else.

Matt got up to make himself a sandwich, and asked me if I wanted anything. "Matthew, we literally just finished dinner."

"I'm hungry again." He rubbed his stomach. "I'm a growing boy."

I started laughing so hard that I almost fell off the couch. The amount of food that this man consumed was unreal. If he didn't work out as much as he did, he wouldn't be able to walk through the door. He came over and sat beside me again, with a sandwich the size of my head.

"How are you not 800 pounds?" I asked him, laughing. "There's no way I could ever eat as much as you."

"I honestly have no clue." He laughed back. "You're a lot smaller than me, Tor. If you ate as much as me, I'd be concerned. Slightly turned on, but still concerned."

I sat up. "Girls that eat a lot turn you on?"

"It's not like a fetish or anything. I just think it's sexy when a girl enjoys her food and isn't scared to indulge every once in a while."

"Is that why you fell for me?"

"Your pizza eating skills are pretty top notch. Plus the sounds that you make when you're eating something you really like are so sexy."

"What sounds?"

"Quiet little moans. I don't even think you know you do it. It's crazy sexy though."

"Matthew!!"

"Victoria!!" He was trying not to laugh, but his stupid little sexy smirk kept poking through. Eventually he couldn't hold it anymore.

I was giving him major cut eye right now. He knows that my weight has always been a touchy subject for me. He's never made me feel bad about my eating habits, or the way I look though. And I know he was teasing me, but in that moment, I was pissed.

"You're a horrible boyfriend." I threw my pillow at him.

Matt continued laughing so I got up and started to walk away. He grabbed me by the arm though, and pulled me down on top of him. "Do you know when I knew I loved you?"

"When I wouldn't return your calls?"

"No." He rolled his eyes. "We were at the cottage. The first time you met Danny and Evan. You were so nervous to meet Evan, but you pulled through and ended up being friends with him by the end of the weekend. Danny kept harassing you and you gave it back to him ten times harder. You just fit so perfectly into my life. You went over and beyond that weekend too. Helping with the food, cleaning up and making everyone feel at home. That's when I knew I loved you. Because of what's in here." He put his hand on my chest. I looked him in the eyes and he slowly started rubbing his hands down the sides of my body resting them on my butt and squeezing. "And this.. this is just a bonus."

I started to laugh again, and Matt pulled me in for a long, lingering kiss. A kiss that turned in to so much more. I love that Matt has so many sides to him. Even though he's a beast, and usually a rough lover. He knows when to be slow and passionate.

When we finished, I rolled off the couch and took a nice big bite of Matt's sandwich. {he put it down on the coffee table - sex before food}.

"That's my sandwich."

"I worked up an appetite." I shrugged my shoulders and took another bite.

"You're lucky I love you." Matt said, shaking his head on his way to make another sandwich.

That is true. I don't know many men that will put up with my crazy like he does. The man is a saint!
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02 August 2016

He Got To Her First

"Did you just do what I think you did?"

"What do you think I did? Why are you yelling?"

I could kill my brother sometimes. Most times actually.

"Did you just ask Jenn out on a date? I'm not yelling at you.." I'm Italian, so everything I say is loud. Plus the bluetooth in my car sucks so I have to speak extra loud. "Can you even hear me?"

"Loud and clear. She told you?"

"I was with her when you texted her." I was on my way home from Yoga with Jenn and Caroline. I really like Caroline. She's a little firecracker. "And stop answering my question with a question. Why would you do that?!"

"She's finally single again. And we've always had a thing.." I knew it!

"Well, considering you and Danny are bffs now, don't you think that was a little shady of you?"

"I guess." He voice softened. "I've always had a thing for her. Since we were younger. I can't help it. He just got to her first. I should have made a move a long time ago." He sighed. "I probably should have asked him huh?"

"Uh ya! I swear sometimes I wonder how you're the older sibling."

"Shut up, Tor. You would have ate your own poop if it wasn't for me."

"You put it in front of me!" That's a story for another day.. "Don't change the subject."

"What did she say? Was she freaked out?"

"No.. she actually considered it. Against my advice."

"You told her to say no to your own brother!"

"I told her to say no to Danny's new best friend."

I had to focus on the road so I ended the conversation. I could not believe the balls my brother has. Like I swear there's something wrong with that kid. He's way too impulsive.

Jenn, Caroline and me were in the change room after our weekly yoga class, checking our phones. {We're such millennials.} I was scrolling through my Instagram feed when I caught Jenn's expression in my peripheral. She looked like she had seen a ghost, and I couldn't help but think Danny had texted her again.

"Everything okay over there?" Caroline asked. She noticed it too.

"Hmm? Yea." Jenn quickly shoved her phone back into her bag and started walking to the car.

We dropped Caroline off at her mom's house {she's dog sitting} and she invited us in, but we both declined, a little too quickly. Both Jenn and me knew we had something to discuss. Caroline is such a sweetheart, but somethings you need to save for your day ones.. you know?

Jenn and me talked nonsense for the rest of the car ride but as soon as we pulled into her driveway I started grilling her. "Okay, spill! Who or what has you spooked?"

"Your brother asked me out..." She blurted out.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Your. Brother. Daniel. Asked. Me. Out." Jenn repeated herself, slowly this time.

"Oh my God. What an idiot!"

"I don't think I'm gonna say no."

"Does that mean you're gonna say yes?"

"No. But I'll think about it."

"I can not believe you're even considering dating my brother."

"He asked me out on a date Tor. He didn't ask me to marry him. Chill."

"You do realize he's best friends with your very recent ex, right?"

I saw the pain in her eyes when I said that. I shouldn't have said it.

"I should go inside."

"Shit. Jenn. I'm sorry. I just - You don't find it weird?"

"I got so used to blocking everything to do with Danny out of my life that I didn't even think of that."

"Are you sure you're ready to move on? To date again?"

"I thought so."

"Look, I know it's hard. I've been there. But if you're just going to start dating someone to 'test the waters' I really don't think it's a good idea that it's my brother. And that's me being protective of both of you."

Jenn smiled and nodded. "I know, you're right."

"I'm not saying you can't ever date him. Just maybe fool around with some randos first. Get back into the swing of things. And when you're ready, you'll both thank me."

"Thanks, Tor."

"Now go inside, take a long hot shower and start tindering. I need to go kill a certain family member of mine."
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25 July 2016

The Ginger

So a weird thing happened... Evan invited Matthew and me over for dinner! {I really wish I could insert emojis for y'all to really feel my mood}

That wouldn't be so weird for anyone else, but we haven't ever been invited over to Evan's house. Matt says it's because the whole house was under construction for a while. {He bought a really old house for practically no money and fixed it up himself.} But I'm assuming it's because of the fact that he knew I wasn't super comfortable around him.

I wasn't going to not go over. Matt has put up with my crazy friends and their crazy men so this was the least I could do. I was super nice to Evan the whole evening. I even made cupcakes! He did an amazing job with the house though. It looks like something you would see in one of those home renovation magazines. 

I was kind of on edge for most of the night. I kept looking around, thinking Carmen was going to pop out from around one of the corners. I'm paranoid, I know. But Evan broke my trust and it takes a lot for me to be able to trust someone again. 

It ended up being a really nice {drama-free} night - which is unusual for us these days. The conversation flowed nicely, and I really started to warm up to Evan. I understand why Matt loves him so much. I asked him why he didn't have a girlfriend and he just laughed. "I have no time." 

"What do you mean? You had time to do all of this amazing work to your house!"

"True." He thought for a bit and continued. "My last relationship was A LOT of work." He looked at Matt and he nodded in agreement. "I'm just not looking for that right now." 

"I guess that's alright." I couldn't argue that. I made a mental note to ask Matt all about that later! I'm such a gossip whore. "Soooo.. what kind of girls do you like?" 

Evan thought for a bit and Matt shot me a look. I knew I was probably over-stepping but I was curious. 

"I like dark features. Curves." He finally said. I thought this was interesting. Evan is pretty pale with strawberry blonde hair. It's more blonde than strawberry but the guys all call him 'The Ginger'.  I would have thought he would go for someone more like Jenn who's fair skinned and blonde. 

"Dark hair, dark eyes and a big butt?" I asked. There was an empty chair between Evan and me, so I slid over to get closer to him. "Like me?"

Evan cleared his throat and Matt smirked. "Umm.. yea.. I guess. I never really.." He looked down not finishing his sentence. 

"Well, if Matthew here ever fucks up... I'll give you a call." I winked at him and his face went beet red. Matt almost fell off of his chair. I was trying to hold back my laughter too but I couldn't anymore.

"Fuck. You guys." Evan got upset for like three minutes, then laughed with us. "Seriously, you're meant for each other." 

I looked over at Matt and smiled. "I know. He's so lucky to have me in his life." And then Matt threw his napkin at me.

We ended up staying for a lot longer than we planned but I wasn't complaining. I know Matt is happy that me and Evan were finally getting along. I never really thought about it from his perspective. It must be difficult when your girlfriend dislikes your best friend. I made a vow to myself to always make more of an effort when it comes to the people in Matt's life. {I'm such a grown up y'all!}
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20 July 2016

We Can't Ever Be Mothers

Jenn and me decided to take Soph for a little day trip to Babies R Us this weekend. She's just past her three month mark {she's due mid January}, so we thought it would be fun to take a trip and see what exactly a new mom needs. Jenn has a little bit more knowledge than us though - her sister has a million kids!

We were walking through the aisles, and I was starting to get overwhelmed. I never realized how much crap they try and push on expectant mothers. I voiced my opinion about this too {obvi}. Jenn started to laugh, and agreed. Sophia just stood there. She looked offended, but didn't say anything. Sophia is one of those girls that you just know was born to be a mother. Jenn and me on the other hand...

"What the hell is this thing?" Jenn yelled across the store.

"It's a teething tool." Soph answered back.

"It looks like anal beads to me." I said.

Soph gasped and I quickly covered my mouth. Sometimes I forget when we're in public. I could hear Jenn gasping for air as she laughed hysterically at the other end of the store. There was only one other couple in the store though. The husband {or baby daddy..} looked extremely intrigued, while the wife looked horrified.

"Soph, you better not get those two confused. That poor baby.." She slapped my arm and started to laugh. She's been such a prude since she got married, so it's nice to see her loosen up every once in a while.

We continued looking around, and helped Soph pick out dressers, a crib, change table and a stroller. We didn't buy anything, but we took pictures of what she really likes. When she finds out the gender, it will be a lot easier to narrow down the decisions.

"We can't ever be mothers." Jenn said, as we got in the car.

"Speak for yourself! I'm going to be a great mom."

They both looked at me with that damn look.

I rolled my eyes.. "What did I say now?"

"Since when do you want kids?" Jenn asked.

"Yea.. who are you?" Sophia added.

"Well.. I think Matt and me would make super adorable kids. It would be a shame to the world if we didn't reproduce."

"This is true." Sophia nodded in agreement.

"I guess when you find that one person, you change. I never wanted a boyfriend, and Matt cracked me. I never wanted to get married, and Matt has me agreeing to marry him. I never wanted kids, and now I'm seriously considering it.."

Soph agreed again. Jenn sighed. I felt bad for talking this way in front of her, but she assured me she was okay with it.

"You need to start dating again." Sophia told her. "I have someone I want to set you up with. He's just waiting for you to tell me when you're ready."

"Wait. What? Who?"

"This guy from work." She pulled up his Instagram page and we all narcked him out {so 2016!}. "His name is Mark. He's super cute and super available. He hasn't had a girlfriend for a while, but he's ready to settle down now."

"Oh good. Another one of those guys.. " I could hear Jenn's eyes rolling. Danny was enough for her.

"I think you just need a fuck buddy." I suggested.

Sophia shot me a death stare. "You would think that."

"Well.. I'm not wrong."

"I agree with Tor." Jenn said. "I think I just need someone to help get my mind off things, without the whole 'relationship' thing."

I'm happy Jenn is finally starting to move on. If there's one person in this world that deserves to be happy, it's Jenn. I offered to help her find a man, but she said no. She wants to put herself out there and see what she finds. I couldn't argue with that. I hope she's just guards her heart this time...
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18 July 2016

Toronto 101

Hi lovebugs!

This post is going to be a little bit different... I've had endless requests for some information about the city I call home. So I've decided to dedicate this post to the TDot - where to visit, what to do, and so much more!! Think of me as your sassy little tour guide.

First of all, here in Toronto, we like to joke that we only have two seasons - Winter and Construction. It doesn't matter what time of year it is, but you will be stuck in some kind of traffic due to a snow storm or the fact that the snow storms caused 800 pot holes so the roads are closed for maintenance!

We really do have beautiful Summer's though. Today alone it's close to 32 degrees {90F}... perfect beach weather! I put together a list of some places that are definitely a must see when in Toronto, and I hope I included things that interest each and every one of you.w

Toronto Skyline 

1. All The Sights - This includes everything from the very popular to the not so well known.

Casa Loma - So many movies / TV shows filmed here!

2. Culture - Toronto is home to so many different cultures, and each one has their own little neighbourhood. This link breaks them all down... Chinatown is my absolute favorite though!

3. Cultural Food & Drink - Toronto summers are jam packed with cultural food festivals! Almost every weekend is host to something new.

Ribfest
Caribana - I am so in love with their costumes every year! 

4. Food & Drink - In general, Toronto has some pretty bomb places to eat. I'll list a few of my favorites, but there's SO MANY MORE!! 

Frings
Pizzeria Libretto {where me and Matt went on our first date}
G For Gelato
Banh Mi Boys
La Carnita
Amsterdam Brew House {right on Lake Ontario}
The 3 Brewers
The Bier Markt
One Eighty {best brunch spot}
Sweet Jesus
O.Noir {I have never actually been here..but maybe you're more brave than me!}


Then, there is always Summerlicious and Winterlicious which is the best invention ever. 

Chicken and Waffles - One Eighty

5. Nightlife - My absolute favorite bars / nightclubs.

Muzik {popular celebrity hang out}
The Citizen
Uniun {for you ravers}
The Thompson Hotel- Rooftop Lounge
El Convento Rico {LGBTQ+ & guaranteed to have the best time ever!!}
The Porch  / Rock N Horse Saloon
Horseshoe Tavern {live bands = amazing}

The famous bull - Rock N Horse Saloon

6. Random things I like to do - My absolute favorite things to do that don't involve eating {LOL}. 
I hope you guys liked this post, and find it super helpful! I could literally have written a book on things to do in Toronto.  Let me know if you have any more questions!

xo Tori w
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I Hate You

So Matt ignored me for the rest of the day Thursday. He came home from work late and went straight to the bedroom. I was sitting on the couch, pretending to watch TV and he walked right by me. Not even a hello or anything! I wasn't about to chase him though. You guys made excellent points! I was not in the wrong and I was not going to apologize or let him get away with making me feel like it was.

When I heard him go into the shower, I debated on making my way to the bedroom but I decided it was best that we spend the night apart. I hate sleeping on his couch though, so I text Jenn and told her I was on my way over. I quickly packed up a few things that I would need for work the next day and left Matt a note on the fridge. He missed dinner, so I knew the fridge would be his first stop.

Jenn was waiting for me in the driveway. I put the car in park and grabbed my bag before heading inside. She brought me up to her room and I fell on her bed with a hard sigh.

"What happened?" She asked cautiously.

"He's so stupid sometimes."

"Yea. All men are." Jenn sat beside me. "But what happened tonight?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yea. He completely ignored me. Walked right by me, like I was just part of the furniture."

"I'm confused." Poor Jenn. I always ramble, and she has to put the pieces together.

"Last night we got in a huge fight about Mike. We hooked up when me and Matt we broken up and he freaked. He called me a nympho. Do you believe that shit!!"

"Oh, wow. How did he even find out about Mike?"

"He saw this." I showed her the message between Mike and me. "And he freaked. Like I get it, but we were broken up. With no chance of ever getting together again. I was a free woman!"

"Yea he has no right to even get upset. Why the nympho comment though?"

"Well, apparently, the fact that I like sex makes me a nympho. Am I?"

Jenn started to laugh. "No, Tor. You know what you like and no one can shame you for that. You're a little freaky sometimes. But not a nympho. Plus, you're only freaky with him.. you're loyal. He should praise the sex gods. You guys are equally stubborn though. so one of you is gonna need to crack if you want to resolve this."

"Ugh. I hate my life." I'm so dramatic.

"Shut up. Get some sleep. In the morning we'll deal with life."

And that's exactly what we did. When we woke up, I saw I had gotten a phone call and a text from Matt at around 5 am.

A NOTE ON THE FRIDGE.. REALLY TOR?

Obviously I answered back like the smart ass I am..

YOUR FAT ASS SAW IT DIDN'T YOU?! 

My phone rang. I let it ring. I was not in the mood to deal with him yet.

When I got to work, Matt was in the parking lot. I thought about driving right through and taking the day off, but I knew I had to deal with him. I pulled right up beside him and made him get in the car- there was no way I was having this conversation there.

"Go to Tims." He ordered. I shot him a look and he rolled his eyes. "We both need coffee." He was right.

When we were both partially caffeinated, he started talking. "So.. about the other night.."

I raised my eyebrows, urging him to continue, but he didn't. "We were both wrong."

He looked at me confused. "We were. But I shouldn't have said what I said to you."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"Tor. I feel bad enough. Don't make me feel worse."

"Well, don't say things that you feel bad about saying." I sighed. "I'm sorry too."

"For what?"

"Being me..."

"Don't. Do you even know why I got so upset?" I shook my head. "The thought of another man touching you, kissing you, seeing you when you're the most vulnerable, it kills me. That should have been me. I should have never let you get away from me and I did. I made the biggest mistake of my life, I put you in another man's bed."

I hadn't looked at things from Matt's perspective. But I understood where he was coming from - he's very territorial - which is kind of sexy. "That doesn't give you any right to say what you said to me. Why couldn't you just tell me that?"

"I wanted to. But I was so angry at myself and I took it out on you." He let out a shaky breath. "I can't lose you again. When I woke up and you weren't there.. "

"Matthew. I am not going to leave you." I put his hand on my chest. "You have me here. Always. Just watch what comes out of that mouth of yours."

The corner of his mouth turned up. "So we're good?"

"Yea." I nodded.

"Well then you better get to work before Mr. Commisso comes after me."

I laughed. My dad probably would give Matt shit for me being late. I leaned over and gave Matt a kiss. A kiss that we both needed in that moment. "If I was a different girl, I would have cut you off from all of this." I waved my cast up and down my body.

"I think you would suffer from that way more than me."

I punched him in the arm.. again not even a flinch from him.

"Too soon?" He laughed.

"I hate you."
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14 July 2016

I Am Not A Nympho

Guys! Matthew and me got into such a huge fight last night. He hasn't spoken to me since and left for work this morning without waking me up or saying goodbye. He did text me good morning though - which means he's still half mad - sometimes I could kick him.

So remember when we broke up and I was all sad and depressed... Well I may have had physical relations with another guy. I only wrote about Dante because I thought that was actually gonna be something, but instead he just ended up being a dud. Anyways, this guy Mike is someone I have known literally forever - him and my brother always played hockey together.

We'd hooked up a few times in our younger years. He was the male version of me. We got along great. We would hook up, stuff our faces with pizza, then head to our respective homes. Neither one of us looking for more, nothing ever got complicated.

Mike decided to take a hockey scholarship at some University in Virginia, so shortly after we graduated high school, he moved away. He ended up getting really badly hurt and hasn't played since, but he decided to make Virginia his new home. He comes home for Christmas every year though, and we usually hook up...

He knew I had a boyfriend, but when Mike heard I was single this past Christmas, he messaged me on Instagram {or slid into my DMs as the kids are saying} and asked to meet up. I didn't even think twice about saying yes. We spent almost the entire week after Christmas together. But it was nothing more than a physical connection, I was still in love with Matt.

Last night, Matt was trying to find someone on my Instagram, and came across the messages between Mike and me. They read:

MIKE: I HEARD YOUR MAN IS OUT OF THE PICTURE. THAT'S TOO BAD. IF YOU WANNA TAKE OUT SOME FRUSTRATION I'LL BE HOME NEXT WEEK. ;)

ME: TEXT ME WHEN YOU'RE HERE. 

But let's be real, if I had read something like that on Matt's phone, I would lose my shit. He didn't though, not right away anyways. He asked me who that was and I told him. I'm one hundred percent honest with him at all times.

"So you're telling me this guys just messages you and you went and let him take advantage of you?"

"No. I was angry and hurt after YOU broke up with ME and he provided me with the release that I needed at that moment. I haven't talked to him since... he doesn't even live here."

He stared at me for a really long time. "I'm confused. Weren't we together like the night before."

"Mhmm."

"So, what? You couldn't have come to me? I could have taken care of you."

"Matthew. We were broken up. We spoke about that the night we hooked up too. We agreed that we wanted different things.. was I the only one paying attention? I was not your responsibility anymore." I started washing the dishes to try and distract myself.

"You didn't waste any time finding someone new though. You can't live without sex can you? You're such a nympho."

"I am not a nympho!" I yelled and pointed my finger in his face. As much as I enjoy sex, and have an abnormally high sex drive, I hate being belittled for it. Do not shame me for who I am. Matt knows this too. So I was extra heated that he would even go there.

We basically argued until I was too tired to deal with him and went to bed. He slept on the couch.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Am I supposed to apologize? We were broken up. We had no intentions of ever getting back together. HE broke up with ME. Ugh. I hate when he won't talk to me either.. which makes me feel like I'm the one in the wrong. But calling me a nympho crossed the line!
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11 July 2016

I'm Moving Out

I've decided to let Evan off the hook. I thought long and hard about it, and I am definitely being way too hard on him. He had an immature boy moment, and I need to forgive and forget.

In other news, Chloe had been harassing me to meet up with her and her new man, so I caved. We made plans to meet at a sports bar near her condo - neither one of them drive. {eye roll} I was surprised when we first walked in. Chloe jumped off of her chair and hugged me almost too tight. She gave Matt a hug as well, which was super strange and introduced us to Liam. Liam. Where do I begin.

First of all, he was wearing socks with sandals. They were Adidas slides, but still.

Second of all, he refused to stand up when being introduced to us, which I was always taught was rude.

Third of all, he didn't speak the whole night. He spoke to Chloe, and only Chloe. If Matt asked him a question, Liam looked at Chloe, and she answered for him. What a weirdo!

We tried really hard to be nice in this awkwardness, so we just drank the whole time we were there. We left after about two hours.

When we got to the car I had a text from Chloe.

Thank you so much for coming! Tonight was fun.. let's do it again soon! I miss you <3

I read the text to Matt and he busted out laughing. "How is it possible that we're the most normal couple of all our friends?" 

I thought about it for a second and joined Matt's laughter. He was right. We had a pretty dysfunctional past, but we're way better now. I decided not to respond to Chloe. I couldn't think of a nice way to say "no thanks", so I just threw my phone back in my purse. Plus I was drunk, so..

When we got home, I was extremely horny. I don't know if it was the three beers and six shots that I tossed back, but I wanted Matt. Bad. I started undressing in the kitchen and he looked at me like I had three heads. 

"Are you giving me a signal?" He laughed. 

"Yes, Matthew." I sighed. "We never have sex anymore. We're turning into an old married couple." 

"Tor.." 

"I'm moving out!" I was slightly tipsy.

"Don't even joke about that."

"Before I lived here, we banged anywhere and everywhere. ALL. THE. TIME." 

"Tor, I just fucked your brains out this morning. Or did you forget your sweaty, naked body shaking underneath mine." Oops.

"That.. that doesn't count." 

"Victoria.." Matt only used my whole name when he was extremely turned on, or extremely angry with me. It took a while for me to process the context this time. He walked over to me and wrapped his arm around the back of my head, pulling me in for a deep kiss. 

When he pulled away, I stumbled and almost fell over. He picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. He put me down and stood behind me, both of us facing the mirror.

"Look in the mirror, Tor."

"I am." I still had an attitude.

He had managed to undress himself somehow. He reached his arms around and caressed my body. He moved his hands lower and I leaned into him. I let out a slight moan and instinctively my eyes closed. He pulled his hands away, and I begged for more.

"Matt.."

"Open your eyes, Tor. You're gonna watch me fuck you."

 My eyes almost popped out of my head. He had never been so sexually dominant with me. He continued teasing between my legs, pulling his hands away when he felt me squirm. I already wanted him before he started touching me, but this was pure torture.

"Matt.. please."

Matt pushed me forward and lifted me slightly so that I was at his level. He kept one hand on my breast and the other on my clit and slid himself inside me from behind. I closed my eyes again and he stopped moving.

"Open. Now." This new side of Matt was turning me on even more.

I did as I was told and locked eyes with Matt in the mirror. He started thrusting in and out of me again, not taking his eyes off mine.

"I want you to see what I see when I fuck you."

"Matthew.." I was falling apart.

"I will never not want to do this to you."

I cried out when my orgasm rocked through me. I legit had tears streaming down my face. That was the most erotic thing I think we've ever done.  I felt extremely vulnerable though, so I immediately shut down and pushed him out of me.

"Tor.."

"What?"

"I took that too far, didn't I?"

I sighed, trying to catch my breath. "No. That.. that was amazing. Beyond amazing."

"What happened then?"

"I.. I dunno." I shook my head. "I just felt something weird."

"Open, vulnerable, exposed.."

"Yea!"

"That's how I love seeing you." He pulled me tight. "Knowing that you trust me enough to get you there.. it's addicting. Do you know how beautiful you are when you finally let go.."

"Well.." I sat down on the bed.

"Yea."

I started to laugh. Uncontrollably. Alcohol..

"You're psycho sometimes." Matt laughed with me and I pulled him down on top of me.

I completely understand the addiction.
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05 July 2016

I Don't Know How To Talk To You

Evan and me were the first ones awake on Saturday morning. I rarely sleep in, especially if I'm in a strange bed. I made myself a cup of coffee and headed to the back porch. I curled up on the large patio chairs and watched the still water. That's my favorite thing to do.  "Are you going to ignore me for the whole weekend?"

"Hi, Evan." I smiled politely.

"You were really quiet yesterday. All good?" He asked. He sat on the chair facing me and seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yea!" I responded as enthusiastically as possible. "This cast is keeping me out of the water though, which is a bummer."

"Ahh, true." Total bro talk. "You're probably going to get a wicked tan line too." He started laughing.

"Mhmm." I already dreaded the tan line that was to come. I took a sip of my coffee and looked at the water again.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" He paused. "Like, between me and you."

I looked back at him and put my cup down. "Look, I like and respect you because you're Matt's friend, but I.. I just don't know how to talk to you." I was 100% honest.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry." I face palmed. "That was too blunt for the morning."

"No, no, I appreciate your honesty." Evan nodded. He was looking down at the floor now. "Can I ask why? I mean, I thought we were cool. If I knew you still had doubts, I would have worked harder to make sure you didn't think of me as some shady fuck." His literal words.

"I don't." I replied quickly. "I just, I don't want to run in to your sister again, and have her know every little detail about me, when I know nothing about her. That was a very unfair advantage."

"Shit Tor, I am so, so, so, sorry about that. I don't even know why I did it. I just hate what a bitch she is, and I wanted her to feel like shit for doing what she did to my Matty." I still giggle when he calls Matt that. "I love him like a brother. You know? She's just a horrible person. My parents really fucked up with her. Thank God they made me perfect." I knew he was looking for a smart ass remark from me, but I just rolled my eyes and laughed. "See, you like me deep down. I can tell."

"I never said I didn't."

"Just please don't punish me for something I did out of pure idiocy."

"I'll think about it."

"I can live with that." He looked around for a bit, but looked unsure of what to do next. He got up to go back inside.

"You don't have to leave."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea." I smiled.

Evan sat back down and looked out at the water. "This is my favorite thing to do."

"Mine too."

"See, we're already bffs."

I looked over at him, and he had the goofiest grin on his face. I burst out laughing and he joined me.

"What the hell could be so funny this early in the morning?"

We turned around to see Danny, half naked, and half asleep, standing in the doorway.

"Nothing." Evan and me said at the same time. I looked at him again and he winked.

We spent the rest of the day on the boat- so I could still be in the water without getting wet! Overall it was a pretty chill weekend. Considering the amount of food and alcohol that was consumed, it was completely drama-free. I was even nice to Paul!

I keep thinking back to mine and Evan's conversation though. Maybe I'm not giving him a fair chance. Am I being too hard on him?
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04 July 2016

New Homes and Broken Bones

Soooo.. I convinced Jenn to start a blog!! I had to share mine with her though, which I was less than thrilled to do. Until now, Matt was the only person in my immediate circle that knew about it!! It's called "Jenny Not From The Block" . {She's clearly a lot more creative than I gave her credit for.} I hope you all follow along with her version of our crazy lives! I'm sure she'll be making fun of me on the regular too..

In other news.. Daniel is moving out of our parent's house and I am so proud of him! He's almost 29 years old, so I think he's more than ready for some independence. He's really been living up to the whole 'Italian men don't leave home until they get married' stereotype. I've been helping him look for places near Matt and me- it's nice to have people you know close by. I've also been trying to convince him to go with a two bedroom, just in case I wanna sleep over. Or in case I get mad at Matthew and kick him out, he has someplace to go.. LOL! I could never kick him out of his own home.

We spent all of last weekend looking at buildings in our area, but the only one he liked was in the building attached to ours. They share the lobby and all common areas, but it's two separate towers. It's very modern and has a kind of masculine vibe too. Dark hardwood flooring, white tiles and white cabinets in the kitchen, with dark counter tops. The price is pretty reasonable too... Toronto living is expensive, y'all! But he did agree to it, so we're gonna be neighbours!

Also, I broke my wrist last weekend... hence the late {and short} post. I was trying to hang some planter thingy on the balcony, trying to make it look pretty, and I tumbled right on to the hard concrete floor. Matt gave me shit for trying to balance on a window ledge, but let's be real- he should have been there to catch me!! Anyways, now I'm in a super itchy cast for the next 4-6 weeks. I made the doctor do a white one so that we could paint it like a rainbow for Pride!

I can't even do my hair and makeup! Matt has to help me wash my hair, which is pretty hilarious, and I've just been letting it dry natural - curly with a side of extra frizz. {Adorable, I know!} But it is cute that he's trying to help, even if he does curse through his teeth.

I've been completely useless at work this past week too. I love my job, but sometimes I get so annoyed with people that I need a break. But, I did take almost a week off when Matt and me had strep, so I needed to be in the office this week. Trying to function like a normal human with this damn cast on is next to impossible. Thank goodness it was a four day work week! I love long weekends - especially in the Summer!!

Canada Day was on Friday, so we went up to Matt's cottage with the whole gang. His friends and mine. We ended up being almost 20 people, which I think is the most we've ever been. Needless to say, we were rowdy. I love Matt and Danny's friends though, they're so funny and just genuinely good people to be around. I'm still a little uncomfortable around Evan though. I don't know why, but I just can't warm up to him.

But, I shall continue on all about that in my next post!

Happy 4th to all my Americana's! w
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21 June 2016

I Saw Him With Another Girl

Saturday night Matthew and me went to Sophia and Paul's house for dinner. Her baby bump is so small- but she's definitely starting to grow! They went all out for dinner. Steak, chicken, veggies, salad, potatoes- anything you could think of. She also had my favorite wine pre-chilled. Wife life looks good on her.

Paul and Matthew were both really quiet all night long. I kept nudging Matt hoping he would get the hint and strike up a conversation with Paul, but that wasn't working. Matt stuck by me like a lost puppy all night. I felt bad for putting him in a situation that he didn't feel comfortable with, but at the same time, Sophia is one of my best friends and I wasn't going to let him be crusty in her house.

I pulled Matt outside and let him know how I was feeling, and we got in a huge fight. I may have over exaggerated things due to wine, but I still think I'm right. I wasn't a huge fan of Matt's friends in the beginning of our relationship, but I still made the effort. We ended up leaving early because I wasn't in the mood to be around anyone anymore.

In the car, Matt didn't say a word. We honestly haven't had a fight in so long that I didn't even know what to say. So we both stayed silent for the longest car ride of life. When we got home, I hopped out of the car and made my way inside, not waiting for him to follow. I walked straight to the bathroom and ran the water in the tub. I headed into the bedroom and undressed when I felt his presence. I turned around to see Matt staring at me from across the room, he knew I wasn't undressing for him.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door {that I locked} and it pulled me out of my trance. The water was cold and I was shivering. I wasn't sure how long I was in there, but I must have dozed off. {wine, again} I debated on answering, but then I heard the panic in his voice. "Tor, make a sound. At least tell me you're alive."

I jumped out, grabbed a towel and opened the door. "What do you want?"

"Holy shit Tor, you're frozen." He wrapped himself around me. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

"What are you talking about?"

"I fell asleep waiting for you to get out. I woke up a few minutes ago, and I saw it was past 3 am. You've been in there for 6 hours. I thought you drowned."

I stared at him, unsure of what to say next. I'm stubborn, so there was no way I was letting this fight end. I pulled away from him.

"Tor..."

"What, Matthew? I didn't drown, I'm very much alive. See!" I waved my hand up and down my body.

"You're something else, you know?"

"Why can't you admit that you're wrong. This one time." I was yelling, it was 3am. Thank God we don;t have neighbours.

"Because I'm not. That guy is shady as fuck, you guys just can't see it."

"Huh?"

"Paul. He's not a good guy."

"Okay, and you know this from the three times you've met him... and not spoken to him..?" I knew whatever Matt knew had to be valid. He wasn't the type of guy to trash talk anyone without valid reason.

"Tor, please just trust me on this one." He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands.

"No- You brought this up. Now I need to know if my friend is in some kind of trouble."

Matt stayed silent for what felt like forever. He knew I was right. He let out a deep sigh and shook his head. "I saw him with another girl."

"Excuse me?"

"I saw Paul with another girl." He continued. "It was a few weeks after the wedding, when you were on vacation. I went to the game with Evan and they were there. He saw that I saw him, so he came over and said hi. He introduced her as his 'work friend' but they looked a little too friendly for work."

"Oh my God, Matthew! Why didn't you tell me this before?"

 "Because I knew you would over react. You would kill him if he did anything to hurt Soph. Fuck, I would too, trust me."

"So.. what am I supposed to do now? She's pregnant!! She's having his child!!"

"I know, I know. I had Evan get his buddy to track Paul and see if he fucks up anymore."

"And.."

"And so far, nothing."

"I can't deal with this right now." I was starting to get a stress headache. I needed to sleep on it.

"Get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning." Matt looked at the clock. "Maybe the afternoon."

I nodded and got into bed. I was still extremely upset with him, but I needed him close. I pulled his arms around me and started to doze off.

"Matthew?" I whispered.

"Yea, babe?"

"If you ever cheat on me, I'll kill you."

Matt pulled me tighter. "I'd kill myself. Save you the jail time." He's so romantic.

When we woke up it was almost 2pm, and I felt like I had been hit by a truck. We had plans to meet both of our families for Father's Day, but we bailed on both. Matt and me talked all afternoon about Soph.

I finally decided that I wasn't going to say anything until I had proof. I'm not one to spread rumors, especially ones that could potentially end a marriage. Plus, there was a baby that I needed to think of now!  I can give Paul the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was a girl from work. But I wasn't going to let him off the hook. I'm definitely going to spend more time with them too. I'll just use the peanut in her belly as an excuse.

Am I wrong? Should I say something now? Help me!!
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15 June 2016

Taylor Swift

So Jenn and Danny are never, ever, ever getting back together. At least that's what Taylor Swift Jenn says. I can't say that I blame her, Danny really did a number on her. But at the same time, it's hard to believe that the two people you thought were perfect for each other- aren't. I guess you should never assume anyone's relationship is perfect- it just might not be!

Speaking of... Danny and my brother are bffs all of a sudden. They have been spending all of their free time together. Which is nice, but weird. I passed by my parent's house the other night to pick up some more of my stuff. I was knee deep in my horrendous closet {I'm such a mess} when Daniel got home from work.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you, too." I snapped back.

"Sorry," Daniel laughed. "I just wasn't expecting to see you."

"I came to pick up a few things. How's life? What are you up to these days?"

"Things are good. Really good actually. I mean, as good as they can be I guess." What a stupid non answer. MEN!

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"I'm good Tor." He laughed again. "Stop being weird."

"I'm not being weird. You are." I stood up and went to sit on my old bed. I kind of miss my bed, it's the most comfortable mattress I've ever owned. "I heard you and Danny have a little bromance going on."

Daniel laughed again. I was either really funny today or he was in a good mood- finally! "I wouldn't call it that. We just hang out alot. We get each other."

"You get each other?"

"Yeah. We both ended relationships that were really hard to end. We like the same things and we both have to deal with you and Matt."

"You should be so lucky!!" I snapped back.

"I know. I know. We just have a alot in common." Daniel sighed. "Does it bother you?" I honestly felt so bad when he asked me this. Does he think I dislike everyone in his life?

"Of course not! I love Danny.. sometimes more than I love you."

Daniel threw a pillow at me and we both started laughing. I love that we're back to our old selves - I really missed him. He helped me pack up my stuff and I headed back to Matt's condo {our condo?}. I decided to pick up a pizza on the way because I was way too lazy to start cooking. Plus it was past 8pm and I was starving.

When I finally walked through the door, I found Matt passed out on the couch. Remote still in his hand. He's been overworking himself lately. I keep telling him to take a break, but because he missed almost a week due to the little strep throat incident, he's been working non-stop trying to catch up. I don't know what to do to help him though. He could use a vacation.. but being away would just add to his stress levels / work load.

I don't know if I ever told you guys, but Matt and Danny work for their father's company. {typical Europeans} They're pretty much the bosses now that their dad is starting to cut back on hours and getting ready for retirement. Danny runs the shop and all of the guys and Matt deals with clients and handles all of the purchasing and stuff like that. When either brother is away, the other tries to cover for them, but the work load is too much for one person.

I decided to let him sleep a bit more on the couch before waking him up to go to bed. I poured myself some wine and took my laptop onto the balcony. I don't know if y'all remember Allison and Jeremy, but they're getting married in September in the Bahamas, so I thought I would book a few extra days for Matt and me. He should be caught up by September, right?

Sophia and Paul invited us over for dinner this weekend, and I'm so excited to see her baby bump! That skinny mini should be showing be now.. Paul and Matt never really clicked, so Matthew is not too thrilled to be tagging along. Paul isn't a bad guy or anything, they're just so different. Matt is more rugged and beastly {LOL} and Paul is more of a pretty boy - so they're polar opposites. But I guess we shall see what happens Saturday night.

Jenn has been keeping to herself lately. I know she's having a hard time dealing with things, but I wish she would just talk it out. Or start a blog!! Blogging helped me work through some stuff.. I think I'm gonna suggest it to her.

Chloe text me the other day telling me that she has a new man in her life, and wants us to get together so we can meet him. I still haven't responded to her. She was so rude to Matt when we started dating, and extremely bitchy towards all of us - I don't think any of us have talked to her since Sophia's wedding. I'm kind of on the fence with her. Every time I give in, she manages to mess things up again. So I dunno..
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08 June 2016

Tired

So my parents met Matt's parents, and it was the funniest / most stressful night of my life.

We had planned for them both to come to the condo Wednesday night. Danny {Matt's brother} and Daniel {my brother} tagged along as well. They're both newly single and have been spending a strange amount of time together. Don't get me wrong, I love that they get along, but it's slowly turning into a weird bromance thing- and I'm not sure I can handle more than one of them at a time.

I was stressing all day about what I was going to make for dinner. Obviously the Italian in me felt the need to over-cook and make enough food for an army, but after talking with Matt we decided on just doing simple barbecue and some salads / roasted veggies. We ended up making too much food anyways, but our brothers managed to polish it all off. For dessert we {meaning just me} made mango fro-yo from scratch- delish!

Our families seemed to get along really well. We both come from strong European backgrounds, and even though our parents grew up in different countries, there are so many similarities between them. The night ended with my dad and Matt's dad telling stories about their childhood, and they were some of the funniest stories I have ever heard.

Matt's parents left first, and mine followed shortly after. My mother of course had to make sure every single plate, glass and utensil was washed and put away before she left. Danny and Daniel stayed behind and we just hung out on the balcony.  I asked Danny if he had talked to Jenn and he shook his head 'no' while looking at nothing in the distance.

"She won't talk to me either." I said. Jenn and me were talking, but she refused to talk about anything Danny related. As her best friend, I have to respect that.

"I think I'm just gonna lay low for a bit." He said. "I'm gonna stop trying to get through to her. When she wants to talk, she'll come to me."

I wasn't totally convinced on this idea, but again, I'm trying to mind my business, so I just nodded and smiled. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but I know at the end of the day- it has to be their decision. I need to stop meddling!

It was passed midnight when they finally left, and I was exhausted. I've been getting so tired lately- I must have some vitamin deficiency. Matthew on the other hand is a stallion- that man never gets tired! I quickly got undressed and slipped under the covers. Matt made his way into the bedroom shortly after, and started kissing all up on me. For the first time, in our whole relationship, I was too tired for sex.

Matt didn't stop though. He kissed, he sucked, he licked, all the way down my chest and circled his tongue around my nipples. I let out a light moan, and could feel him smile against my skin. He continued kissing and sucking and licking until he stopped between my legs. Matt stopped and looked up at me, and when he was sure he had my full attention, he started again.

I literally did nothing but lay there and enjoy my man.

When we woke up the next morning for work, we both felt kind of gross. I blamed it on the late night, but I knew deep down I just didn't feel right. Later on through the day I developed a high fever and uncontrollable chills, so I decided to go home and rest. Matt was already home, and sleep in bed when I got home.

After forcing Matthew to come to the doctor with me, we were both diagnosed with strep throat. I'm no stranger to strep, I get it all the time. Matt on the other hand- biggest baby of life. I think I would be in more pain if I wasn't spending my days laughing at him. So we've basically been in bed for almost a week, we're contagious and not allowed to be around healthy humans.

Ohh and... My doctor wants to schedule me for a tonsillectomy and I'm kind of freaking out!!! Have any of you had your tonsils removed as an adult? Share your stories below!
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30 May 2016

He Put A Ring On It

Thursday night, Jenn and me took Sophia to her doctor to make sure she was in fact 100% pregnant, and calm her down about the effects of that one night of drinking. The doctor did all of her usual examinations, made her pee in a cup and then drew blood to be tested. All signs pointed to baby! I almost started to cry from excitement.. I can't wait to be an aunt!! Soph's doctor also assured her that it is way too early to have done any lasting damage to the baby, but from now on she should definitely not booze it up.

Jenn has been cold with me all week. {she's still mad at me that I let Danny call her from my phone}. I mean, she still talks to me, but she pretends she's mad. I know deep down she's happy I did it. They belong together. He knows it, she knows it, they're both just too stubborn to admit it. After finally getting Danny to crack, you would think that she would too- but no! She's gotta do it on her own terms, and I guess I can't blame her for that... he really did a number on her. I wouldn't ever side with a man that broke my best friend's heart, but after talking to him and coming to terms with the fact that him and me are so similar- I can't let her count him out just yet!

When Matt got back from his trip, we were so quick to move in together, that we haven't really had a chance to just sit and talk. I never got a chance to ask him about that phone call, and why he was acting so strange. Saturday, I had the perfect opportunity. We were on our way home from picking up his parents at the airport, and I suggested that we pick up some groceries so that I could make us a nice fresh lunch.

We finished eating around 2pm, and just lounged on the balcony taking in the beautiful weather. "Matthew?"

"Yea, babe?"

"Remember when I was talking to you on FaceTime, and you kinda drifted off into space?"

No response...

"Well, is everything okay? Is there something you needed to tell me?"

Matt was silent for the longest time. It honestly could have been ten seconds but it felt like ten minutes. All of a sudden he got up and went to the bedroom. I sat there wildly confused. Was I supposed to follow him? Was he coming back? Should I have kept my mouth shut?

Just as I was about to get up and follow him, he appeared in the doorway. "Come, sit." He demanded. I did as I was told, and sat on the couch. He sat beside me and took my hands in his. He stared right into my eyes and said "I never want you to think that I'm hiding anything from you."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just nodded and waited for him to continue. He shifted awkwardly and pulled out a ring box from his back pocket. I felt all of the blood drain from my face, and got light headed. I wasn't ready for this.

Mat laughed. "Relax, Tor. I'm not proposing." I breathed a sigh of relief. I know I've come a long way, but I still need some time y'all. "My grandmother doesn't think she's going to be around much longer, so she gave me the ring that my grandfather gave to her 70 years ago. She's been holing on to it, waiting for one of us to be ready to take it, and she said she saw something in me that made her decision easy. She had just given it to me before we called you, that's why I was so distracted, everything we've been through was rushing through my head. I knew she was right. Everything in my life started to make sense when I met you."

Cue the waterworks. I have been crying about literally everything lately, and I can't control it. I'm used to Matt being all mushy, he's hands down the more sentimental one in the relationship, but this, this just brought out all of the feels.

"Tor, I want you to wear this ring. Not as an engagement, but as a reminder of how much I love you."

Again, through sobs, I nodded. He pulled the ring out and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. It's a single oval emerald stone surrounded by a simple diamond halo. You couldn't even tell that it was 70 years old, the ring sparkled like it had just been purchased. I jumped on top of Matt and smothered him with kisses. He obviously just laughed at me, because that's what he does.

"I feel like saying how much I love you won't even begin to explain what I'm feeling right now." I said through tears.

"Victoria, I know how you better than you know yourself. You don't need to use words to express yourself. I know exactly what you feel, weather you tell me or show me."

So obviously I showed him... three times.

When we finally showered and dressed again, I made him Skype with his family in Greece so we could show his "yiayia". She seemed so happy, and said so many Greek words that I made Matt translate for me later one. She basically said how happy she was, how beautiful she thought I was, and how blessed she felt to have such a happy and healthy family. 

The ring was a tad bit small, but Matt had it re-sized as soon as he got back. I have no idea how he manages to do all this stuff behind my back! I haven't taken it off since and I don't ever plan on it. I obviously snapped a pic and sent it to Jenn and Sophia with the caption "he put a ring on it" and they both called me, freaking out. My parents and Matt's parents obviously already knew, and we're having them over for dinner this week so they can finally meet!

I feel like for the first time in a long time, all the pieces of my life are falling together. For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace.
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