23 December 2015

I Hooked up With My Ex: Part 2

By the time Matthew and me woke up on Sunday, it was way past 3pm. I woke up naked in his bed with his arms wrapped around my body, holding on to me for dear life. I think he thought I was going to take off in the middle of the night. We decided to order food in and really sit down and talk. We ate and talked for a long time before coming to the final fate of our relationship. Basically we decided that we are not going to continue in a relationship together.

Matt is such a sweet and sensitive man. The things that he wants for himself may be something that I want in the future, but just not now. I really don't think it would be fair for me to ask him to wait for me, so we parted ways with nothing but love between us. We were actually able to communicate our feelings without tears, yelling or any hostility- I think our few months apart helped with that! I think I will always love him, and I will definitely miss him every moment, but I am genuinely happy with our decision. {Plus- we can still hook up, right?}

Anyways, Christmas Eve is tomorrow and I still have so much more to do! I was planning on having a longer post up for you guys, really going in to detail about our conversation, but I feel I owe Matt some little piece of privacy. BUT I'm so excited to start the next chapter of my life and I really can not wait to see where my life takes me!

I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays if you do not celebrate! Be safe love bugs..xo Tori w
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21 December 2015

I Hooked Up With My Ex: Part 1

Saturday night was Sophia’s bachelorette party. The maid of honor {Sophia’s sister} had planned the whole night and it was literally the most boring bachelorette in the history of the world. She’s a very plain person, and basically planned around her preferences- which led to dinner and being in bed by 11pm. We all knew Sophia wanted more though, so Jenn, Chloe, Samantha {Paul’s cousin}, Maya {Sophia’s cousin} and myself, brought her to Remingtons- the city’s most famous all male strip club.

Maya had bought a more than a few rounds of champagne for us girls during dinner, so by the time we got in the cab to head downtown- we were a little buzzed. Now, I do not frequent strip clubs, but I do know that the more rowdy your group is- the more attention you get from the men that work there. But we made sure to make Sophia the center of their attention though- it was her bachelorette after all! Except for Chloe, she was having way too much fun on her own.

Numerous table and private dances later, we were all ready to call it a night. Samantha and Chloe lived near the club, so they shared a cab in that direction. Maya was going to sleep at Sophia’s house, so they shared another cab leaving Jenn and me behind. Danny was on his way to pick Jenn up, so I waited with her before getting in my own taxi. When Danny pulled up though- I saw that he wasn’t alone. Matt was sitting in the passenger seat. They were apparently on their way home from some family Christmas party when Jenn called, so Matt decided to tag along {knowing I was with her}.

Matt immediately got out of the car and stared directly at me. I couldn’t tell if he was still hurting or angry at me or just afraid to be the first one to speak, but I had more than a little liquid courage in me so I decided to break the ice and say hi. He didn’t say anything and continued staring at me, like I was some caged animal. I started to get a little weirded out, so I kissed both Jenn and Danny goodbye and started to walk back inside the club. {It was cold, and I didn’t want to freeze my ass off while I waited for my ride.}

“Tor, wait.” Jenn yelled. I turned around and now all three of them were standing there watching me. Jenn slapped Matt on the arm, as a sign to make him speak up, but he didn’t. It was honestly so awkward and Tipsy Tori decided to let everyone know that too.

“I’m not gonna stand here so you can all stare at me. If you wanna see a show- go inside.” I turned back around determined to make it back inside the club this time.

“Victoria.” I stopped again. His voice was so soft it sent chills up and down my body. But I’m stubborn, so I kept walking and didn’t break until I made it through the doors. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I gasped for air. I pulled out my phone and called the taxi company a third time that night. They said they would have to send someone my way and that it would take approximately twenty minutes, so I decided to go back in and have another drink, hoping it would help me loosen up again.

I felt him before I saw him. I hate that after all of this time, he still has the same affect on me. Matt pulled out the stool next to me, and sat his big body down. “I really hate when you walk away from me.” Again he whispered.

“We’re not doing this here.” I said flatly. Emotionless. Matt got up from his stool and put his hand put for me to grab and essentially follow him. I looked down at his hand and then up into his eyes. He looked like a lost puppy. It broke my heart all over again knowing I was the one that did that to him. I let out a sigh, knowing I wasn’t going to win this battle, and followed him out of the club.

We stood outside in complete silence until the taxi pulled up to the curb. He let me get in first, then plopped himself next to me. Matt gave the driver his address and again we sat in silence for the entire ride. By the time we got inside, I was exhausted. I slipped out of my heels and made myself comfortable on the couch, cuddling the pillows.

“Tor, take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“I’m fine where I am.” But Matthew was clearly not fine with it because he came over picked me up, carried me to the bedroom and dropped me down on the bed. And by dropped I mean he actually dropped me on purpose. I was way too tired to argue with him, so I got up, stripped down to my bra and panties and got under the covers.

“I..uh..I’ll be in the other room if you need anything.” He stuttered. I swear, put a set of boobs in front of a man and he loses all train of thought.

I was so tired at that point I didn't even respond to him. Actually, I think I might have even grunted. But being in that bed again brought back all the feels. I tossed and turned for about 45 mins before I got up and went to heat up some milk {warm milk always helps me sleep}. I tip toed towards the kitchen and almost had a heart attack when I saw Matt sitting at the table.

"Jesus, Matthew! What the hell are you doing sitting in the dark?"

"I couldn't sleep. Pizza?" He pushed the half eaten pizza towards me. I sighed again {I swear I do this all the time now}, and sat across from him. "Tor, how long are we going to do this?"

"Do what?" I asked with a mouth full of pepperoni.

"This. You hating me."

"I don't hate you." I snapped back. Matt obviously found his pizza more interesting so I continued. "I hate that I made you sad. I hate that I broke us. I hate that I have to pretend every day that I don't miss what we had. But I never have and never will never hate you." And then I started to cry. Being there in the middle of the night having to deal with all of my emotions was just too much for me. Matt finally looked up though, and came over to my side.

I'm not too sure what happened next, but I can tell you it ended with us naked on the floor. Our bodies moving together. Matt knows exactly how to touch me. He knows exactly how to control my body. What to do to make me melt. What to do to make my pulse race. What to do to make me scream his name. And he did it all night long.
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16 December 2015

Can I Get Fries With This?

“I’ll just get the chopped salad, with dressing on the side, please.”

“Ew, Tor. Since when do you order salad?” Sophia asks.

“Since I gained like 400 pounds, and I have a damn bridesmaid dress to fit into.” I shot back.

“You did not. Stop being so dramatic.” Jenn laughed.

Being in a relationship made me fat. I mean- I’ve always been a curvy woman, but being with a man that shared my appreciated for pizza, chicken nuggets and ice cream sundaes really did take a toll on my body. I don’t understand how men can eat so much and not even gain a pound- it’s not fair. I honestly didn’t see the issue with it until I woke up one day and my pants didn’t fit. {Thank God for tights and yoga pants!}

Normally this wouldn’t bother me that much- hello, winter chub keeps you warm right? But, I do have Sophia’s wedding in less than a month, and I really do need to fit into that bridesmaid dress. It’s not like I can just go and buy another one, you know? Anyways, ordering salad when we eat out is my first step in the right direction.

“I don’t understand how people eat salad on purpose.” I said with a mouth full. “Can I get fries with this?” I asked the waitress.

“Victoria!” Jenn snapped. “I thought you gained 400 pounds and absolutely most desperately need to lose weight. How are fries going to help you do that?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Baby steps?”

Jenn and Sophia both laughed. “So, Tor, are you planning on talking to any men anytime soon?”

“Soph, I talk to men all the time.” I recently started working at my dad’s company again which means my days are fully consumed with the opposite sex.

“You know what I mean. I think it’s time for you to get back in the saddle.”

“Oh, do you?” I answered sarcastically.

“Before Matt you were so confident. You were a little social whore. I miss that.” I cringed when she said his name. But deep down I knew Soph was right so I didn’t answer her. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, you know that right?”

“Yea, I know. I just.. I’m trying.” I told them the story about Dante and they pretty much yelled at me for not calling him. “I’m not ready!” I yelled. “When I’m ready I will call him, and if he is still interested, I will go and have a delicious cup of coffee with him.”

“Tori, you need to fuck him.” Jenn blurted out. Both me and Sophia sat there with our mouths wide open. If you remember- Jenn is very discreet about sexual things and used to be completely against casual sex. “What? You do. You’re not Tori unless you’re banging someone. Think of it as getting your mojo back.”

“I’m going to change your partner for the wedding.” Sophia said matter of factly. “You’re supposed to be with John because you’re both the tallest, but Jesse really likes you- so I’m going to put you guys together.”

“Soph, he does not like me. We met maybe twice.” I remember meeting Jesse once, and I was instantly turned off. First of all he's shorter than me- which I can look past if there is a genuine connection- but this guy is a total creep. The kind of creep that bites and licks his lips when a girl walks by... ew. 

“He does to! He tells Paul all the time. He wanted us to set you guys up a while ago, but I know how much you hate that so I never agreed to it…”

“Yea, well I still hate that. So don’t do it.”

“It’s my wedding, I can do what I want! You and Jesse will have some great bridal party sex and that’s that.”

I started to get upset about the fact that my friends were essentially pimping me out, so I paid my portion of the tab and left. I didn't even eat my fries! I have a really short fuse these days- especially when they bring up my past. Before Matt, I was the "I don't do relationships" girl. I slept with random guys, Tinder was my playground, and I was totally okay with that. My friends have never judged my life choices though. And I know that they aren't now- they just want the old Tori back.

I think my biggest problem is that Matt and me never really settled things. There was always a huge part of me that thought we were going to end up together again, but after the last few months I know it's not meant to be. I'm going to meet him one night this week though- just to get the closure my brain needs for me to finally close that chapter of my life. Wish me luck!
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14 December 2015

Strange Encounters

I am addicted to Christmas. Is it possible to be addicted to a holiday? Because I am! Literally as soon as Halloween is over I want Christmas. All day, every day. Oh, and I especially love watching those cheesy Christmas movies. {The Hallmark channel knows what’s up.}  Recently I’ve been watching them non-stop and feeling sorry for myself… so stupid, I know. That all stopped this weekend though…

I had some last minute shopping to do, so I decided to brave the mall on a Saturday afternoon. For those of you that may not know, Toronto malls are ridiculously busy during any time of year. During the Christmas season though- it’s sardine central. Anyways, I decided I would go and kill a few hours. I always love seeing the children waiting in line to see Santa. The outfits the parents plan out are too cute, and their faces of anticipation make my heart melt.

While I was sipping on my coffee admiring the lineup of little people, I was approached by a very handsome man. “Come here often?” That is literally what he said to me. Who even says that anymore? But he was so good looking I gave him a chance to redeem himself.

“If you mean this mall, then yes. If you mean Santa’s village, then..well..ya.”  I blushed so hard I almost fainted. I’m so lame these days you guys.

He laughed. “That was cute. I’m Dante..you are?” Even his name was sexy.

“I’m Victoria, or Tori, whatever.”  See.. lame.

“Nice to meet you, Victoria.” Dante stared so deep into my eyes I almost fainted again. “What brings you to Santa’s village?”

“Honestly… I love to just watch the children.” Hi, I’m Tori the creeper pedophile… like seriously. “Wait. That came out wrong.”

Dante was laughing again… “It’s okay.. I kind of understood you.”

“Look at that little girl.” I pointed to a tiny strawberry blonde girl with a puffy red tutu. She was jumping up and down in her spot in line, just dying with excitement to finally take a picture with Santa. She kind of looked like she was going to explode which was so effing adorable. “I look at her and I immediately want to smile. She just oozes love and happiness.”

Dante looked where I was pointing and looked back at me. I could see him staring at the side of my face, and avoided turning to face him. “You’re a very beautiful girl Victoria.”

“Thanks.” I said, while looking down at my hands.

“Promise me you will give me a call when you’re ready to move on?” Dante put his hands around mine, placed his business card in them and closed them around the card. I looked up at him confused.

“How…”

“Victoria, a woman like you should never have that look in her eyes. Whoever made you feel that way is a very stupid man.” Dante kissed me on the cheek and vanished into the crowds of people.

He caught me so off guard that I’m still in shock about it. I haven’t called him and I probably won’t ever call him but I will keep his business card just in case. But it really got me thinking about how I need to snap out of my funk and really start to enjoy life again. A total stranger could sense I was hurting and went out of his way to make me feel beautiful again. I know that I still love Matthew and he still loves me, but at the end of the day we just weren’t right for each other.

Anyways, that encounter helped me out a lot. I finally feel like I can start to move on with my life and not worry about my past anymore.  I’ve decided that in the spirit of Christmas, I will do one thing every day that makes me happy, and one thing to help out a stranger. {Volunteering at a soup kitchen, helping my neighbor wrap gifts, etc…}  

I really am starting to feel a lot better and more like myself as each day goes by. Maybe I should give Dante a call… coffee is harmless right? 
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09 December 2015

The End

Matthew and me had an amazing connection. We still do. We just aren't together anymore. I'm not going to sit here and bash the man that I'm clearly still in love with, so I'll try and be as neutral about this as I can...

Things started getting weird after the whole "I'm never getting married" thing and just continued to escalate. I was sick in bed for almost a week with the flu, and Matthew wouldn't even come and see me. I originally thought it was because he's a germaphobe but he was just icing me out. But he just didn't want to be around the woman that he thought didn't really love him.

When I started to feel better, we hung out a few times, but not as often as usual. And our phone / text conversations were very short and to the point. I knew something was up, but every time I tried to talk to him, he just changed the subject or pushed me away {not physically- obvi!}. Finally, one night, I had had enough of the weird vibe between us- so I sat on him and made him talk to me. I literally sat on him so that he couldn’t get up and was basically forced to look me in the eyes and talk.

He started off by saying that the fact that I wasn’t considering marrying him was really weighing heavy on him, and that’s all he could think about since we had that conversation. Matthew is such a huge burly man that I forget how sensitive he really is, and hearing him say all of these things really broke my heart. I wanted nothing more than to just wrap my arms around him and cry with him but I knew I couldn’t. I’ve been in relationships that ended because of me putting my feelings aside for the other person, and I didn’t want to resent Matt in the future.

“Just because I made a comment about not wanting to get married- which I said out of frustration of planning a wedding- doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be with you forever. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. And who knows, maybe in a year or even a month I might have a different opinion. I just don’t want to get married right now.”

“Tor, please don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Tor, stop.”

“Stop what, Matthew?”

“Stop trying to twist your words with me. You said what you felt and I’m respecting that, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.”

At this point I was getting heated, so I got up off of him and started pacing around his condo. Matthew has never spoken to me in that tone- and I don’t respond well to people talking down to me. But I really do love that man, so I was trying not to snap back at him.

“But you’re the one twisting my words. I never…”

“VICTORIA SHUT UP!!!!” I almost fell backwards from how shocked I was at the anger in his voice. NEVER have I heard Matt yell like that, and especially at me. We both stood, not looking at each other, in pure silence before he started talking again. “I think we need to take some time.”

“Like break up?” I whispered.

“No, just some time apart.”

“Okay.” I was starting to tear up, but I didn’t want him to see so I kept looking at the floor.

“Okay?” He was actually shocked that I agreed. Like what does this man want from me? For me to drop to my knees and beg him to change his mind.. Not gonna happen.

“Matthew, I‘m not going to argue with you anymore. So, if this is what you really feel is best than I agree. But if it’s not, than you better stop me before I walk through that door.”

I walked over to my purse and keys and made my way to the door when he called my name. I turned to face him and he was right behind me. He caught me in his arms and whispered “I’m sorry.” in my ear. This actually made me cry even harder so I just turned and walked through the door.

That was the last time that we spoke in person, but we have texted randomly. Danny is still dating Jenn so I see him literally ALL THE TIME, which sucks for me but I’m so happy for them. He keeps trying to convince me that Matthew and me are soul mates and we will eventually end up together but I know that’s probably not true. It’s been 3 months since we started our “time apart”, so I think my grieving / hoping period is over.
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19 October 2015

Q & A

Q: How old are you and where do you live?

A: I'm 25 {almost 26!} and I live just north of Toronto.


Q: What do you look like?

A: I'm approximately 5'6". I have dark brown / almost black curly hair that reaches my lower back. My eyes are light brown, sometimes hazel. I'm also on the curvier side- thick thighs, big booty and all that- and yes, I am very comfortable with my body image.


Q: What do you do for a living?

A: I just recently left my job to pursue being a Makeup Artist full time. I also work 2 part time jobs- one in retail and one in a real estate office.


Q: What motivated you to start your blog?

A: My friends have been telling me forever that I should write a book based on my life, or that I should have my own reality show. Since I have absolutely no interest in either of those, I figured I would just start blogging and seeing if anyone wanted to read about my crazy life.


Q: Do any of my friends / family know about my blog?

A: My friends know, but they would rather not read about my sexual experiences, so they don't know the name of the blog. But if anyone else has figured it out, they haven't told me!


Q: Now that you're single, will you have more time for blogging?

A: I am trying to make more room in my schedule, but since I've added the extra jobs to keep myself busy, my blogging schedule will be very scattered.


Q: Will you be posting about why you and Matt broke up? 

A: I will. Very shortly.
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30 September 2015

Random Update

Hiiiiii!

I know I've been MIA lately, and I promise I will be back soon! I hate when bloggers go MIA and expect you to wait around for them, so I completely understand if you guys wanna leave me or don't wanna hear my excuses.

I have a few updates for you though...

1. Matthew and I broke up. It was honestly one of the hardest things I went / am going through and I will definitely have a post up about that in the near future.

2. I'm currently in school full time and working 2 part time jobs, so although I like keeping busy, I have no time to just sit and write for you all. I am going to try and schedule in a specific writing time though and hopefully post at least once a week from now on.

3. I'm thinking about doing a random q & a post for any of you who are still out there so please tweet me @vodkatori , email me {vodkatori@gmail.com}, or feel free to leave some questions down below and I will for sure answer them for you all!

I miss you guys so much and I hope you all didn't abandon me!

xo Tori w
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27 August 2015

Blast From The Past

The last week of my life has been pretty boring. I've been sick in bed with the flu, and I haven't seen Matt in about a week. {which I told you all on twitter feels like a year because I'm so needy} Anyways.. I didn't want to leave you lovelies hanging, so I decided to give you a little glimpse in to my past. 

My brother Daniel has a really good friend by the name of Mark. Daniel and Mark have literally been friends since they were in kindergarten, and I've always considered him to be another brother. Mark has a sister who was a few years older than him and Daniel, making her 5 years older than me. Tracey {Mark's sister} was my idol growing up. She always had the attention of all the neighborhood boys, and they were all in love with her at one point or another. She was the hot older sister, I was the nerdy younger sister.

When I was in high school, Tracey and I became best friends. She had already graduated, but something about me peaked her interest. She would pick me up from school, take me shopping, bring me around all of her college boy toys- and I have to admit I didn't hate it. I actually loved it. Being friends with her gave me a new image and a new outlook on life. I started taming my frizzy curls, wearing makeup and dressing like a girl. My boobs finally decided to show up and I was not the only one that noticed. Tracey's best friend Frankie noticed too.

Frankie was your typical jock type. He played semi pro hockey, which meant he was basically a celebrity. {I'm from Canada in case you all forgot...hockey is HUGE!} We went to every one of his games, and celebrated every win with him, and consoled him on every loss. He was tall, well built with dark curls that hung in front of his dark brown eyes. Frankie knew he was hot shit and that every girl wanted him. Especially Tracey. Of course, she never mentioned this until he started showing more and more interest in me.

I was 15 and a super hot guy was in to me- my life was pretty much made. Frankie and me dated for almost a year before I lost my virginity to him. {I wish I had a good story for that but it was a pretty basic non romantic event.} We had a really good relationship, but it always felt like more of a friendship than anything more serious. When we eventually broke up we remained good friends, and still keep in touch to this day.

I wish I could say the same for Tracey. She and I ended our "friendship" when I started dating Frankie. To this very day she blames me for stealing her man. I guess I should have asked her if she was okay with me dating her friend, but I was young and inexperienced back then. I always wanted to thank Tracey for breaking me out of my shell and exposing me to a whole new world than the nerd bubble I was living in. Once in a while Mark fills me in on details of her life, I do miss her, but my life isn't lacking anything without her. Let's think of her as a stepping stone.


Anyways, I know this post is super random and some of you might find it boring but I have flu brain {it's a real thing} and I love you all too much to leave you with no post!
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18 August 2015

I'm Never Getting Married

"I don't know what I want."

"Soph, your wedding is in less than 5 months!"

"I know. But.."

"But nothing. Are you having doubts?"

Girl's night was a little bit intense last week. Sophia is getting married in less than 5 months, and she has yet to plan almost everything. She has a dress, and we have our bridesmaid dresses, but that's about it. Now for most people, planning a wedding in a short time span wouldn't be a problem, but when you are having a 500 person traditional Italian wedding- there's a lot to be done.

Now, I know it's not my wedding so I really shouldn't be worrying, but you guys don't know Soph like I do. She likes to leave everything to the very last minute, and then expects Jenn and me to bail her out. This always happens, but considering the fact that her wedding is right after Christmas, I really do not have the time to do anything last minute.

Something has changed with Sophia though, her whole attitude towards the wedding is different, and both me and Jenn noticed. So, being the awesome friends we are, we confronted her about it to make sure she wasn't making a HUGE mistake!

"No. I love Paul and I want to marry him. I just wish everyone would mind their own business. His mom wants this, my mom wants that- everyone else is trying to make me do things their way."

"Okay, so tell them to all mind their own business and do what you want. It is your wedding." I answered.

"Yea, but they're paying for most of it. How can I say no to them and still expect for them to pay?"

"That's tough." Jenn added. "You're going to have to compromise on some points, but you need to stand up to them. Don't let them walk all over you."

"I guess. I just don't want to make anyone upset."

"Soph, if you don't stand up for yourself, the only one that's going to be upset is you."

So, once we finally got down to it and figured out that Sophia does in fact want to marry Paul, we got right back in to planning and made huge progress. Not before I text Matt though, and told him that I never wanted to get married. He gave me some smart ass remark about me not being wife material anyways, but we all know he made that up.

Over the weekend we were supposed to go up to the cottage again {it has quickly become my favourite place on earth}, but there was just so much going on here in the city that we decided to stay and enjoy what Toronto has to offer. Although our winters are extremely long and unnecessarily cold, Summer in Toronto is beautiful. Every weekend is full of events from everything including food festivals, art shows and music festivals. We spent most of Saturday at Rib Fest- stuffing our faces and just enjoying the time together with our friends.

Sunday morning, I joined Matt, Danny and Evan for a round of golf. Now, the last time I attempted golfing I ended up having Matt drive me home after 9 holes because I was too drunk to function. So this time, they wouldn't let me drink. {it was also 8 in the morning so..} It was still super fun though. I wasn't Evan's biggest fan after the whole Carmen incident, but he's growing on me. I think the one major thing that I don't like about Evan is the fact that I actually do like him. You know when you're just so dead set against liking a person, and then they make you like them and it makes you even more mad... that's where I'm at with the whole Evan thing. We finished golfing around 12, so we stopped for a quick bite to eat before going our separate ways.

"Tor?"

"Yes?"

"What was that whole not getting married text about?"

"We were helping Sophia get some stuff done for the wedding, and it just hit me how much I hate other people's opinions and when other people tell me what to do. So if I never get married, than no one can tell me how to have my wedding..."

"Oh."

"Why do you ask?"

"It was just a really random thing for you to say so it got me thinking." Matt was acting really weird- what could he possibly be thinking about?

"Thinking about what?"

"Tor, stop freaking out."

"I'm not." I lied.

"Yes. You are." He knows me so well. "It took me almost losing you to get to finally agree to being my girlfriend, and I would not even consider jeopardizing that with marriage talk."

"So.. you don't want to marry me?" I pretended to be hurt, but in reality I was relieved as hell. Matt gave me a look like he didn't know what the right answer was, so I started to laugh and let him off the hook. He looks so cute when he's confused but I couldn't put him through any more torture.

This talk really did get me thinking though. Why was Matt so concerned about our future? Am I being completely immature about this whole commitment thing? 
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13 August 2015

Wine and Cupcakes

So Matthew made me meet his parents. Okay, he didn't make me, but he did kind of persuade me in to agreeing. In all honesty, I was very curious about his family, and I did want to meet them, I just feared what would happen if they didn't like me. Matt is one of the only guys that have ever met my family, and my parents adore him, so I had to make sure his parents love me too!

Matt made plans for us to have lunch at his parent's house last Sunday afternoon, and Danny would be joining us as well. Growing up, I was always taught that you never show up to someone's house empty handed, so I made cupcakes {from scratch!} and bought a really nice bottle of wine. I was so nervous but I think I did a really good job at hiding it, or at least Matt didn't call me out on it.

Lunch actually went perfectly. From the minute I walked in to their home, they made me feel like I've been a part of the family forever. Matthew's mom, Lena, is seriously the cutest- and compared to her two sons, she is tiny! She has shoulder length brown hair and piercing green eyes, which is where they boys get them from. Nikko on the other hand {Matt's father} is an older version of Danny. He's tall and extremely handsome with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. I offered to help Lena finish off the lunch preparations, but she was pretty much done, so we sat in the kitchen and talked while we waited for Danny to arrive.

The conversation, and wine, flowed throughout the day, and before I knew it- Matt was ready to go home. Lena hugged me tightly, and thanked me for bringing so much happiness to her son's life. Nikko hugged me even tighter, and made me promise to come back soon. In a way they remind me of my own parents, so I think that's why we all get along so well.

When we pulled out of their driveway, Matt said that he had to make a quick pit stop at his office, so we headed straight there. The quick pit stop turned into almost two hours of him working while I just sat there and started at him. I noticed a few new adorable things about Matt though; the way his forehead creases when he's deep in thought, the way he uses his fingers to help him add and subtract and the way he sighs when he finally accomplishes his goal.  

By the time we got back to his condo, we were both still so full from the delicious lunch that we went an slowly died on the couch like the sloths we are. I must have dozed off for a bit {itis obvs.} and woke up to Matt trailing kisses up and down the back of my neck.

"They loved you."

"Mhmm."

"I love you."

"Mhmm."

"Today was perfect."

"Mhmm."

"I'm sorry about the office- I didn't think it would take that long..."

"Matt?"

"Yea?"

"Shut up."

He laughed to himself, and pulled me up to a sitting position. He kneeled in front of the couch, and picked me up, undressing me as he walked to his bedroom. He sat down at the edge of his bed and pulled me on top of him. While I straddled him, Matt tease my nipples with his tongue, causing me to squirm and moan under the heat of his mouth. I could feel him growing beneath me, so I started grinding my body against him, just to drive him even more crazy. The rest of the foreplay, and when Matt lost his pants, was a complete blur to me- and before I knew it, he was inside me. I usually hate being on top because of all my giggly bits, but with Matt is was impossible not to feel completely at ease. I continued to move by body against him while he smothered my neck and tugged on my hair.

I never thought I would be one of those girls that uses the term "love making" but that's exactly what happened that night. It was sweet. It was passionate. It was hot and steamy. But most of all it was love. The thing with being with Matt is that he has so many different moods. He can be a total animal one minute and then just melt into a sweet romantic lover the next. In the lottery of men- I think I won.

When we were finished, I took a nice long bath, and was completely relaxed. I wasn't sleepy anymore though, so Matt ordered my favorite pizza and we watched Bachelor in Paradise. {Matt says that he hates reality TV but I know he secretly loves all of the drama..} Being with Matt has turned me in to an eating machine though. I always tease him that he's trying to make me fat so that I won't leave him for someone hotter- not like that's even possible. 
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10 August 2015

I'm Baaaccckkkkk!!!

Hi guys!!

I have so much to fill you in on, but I'm giving you all the cole's notes catch up version because well, it would be way too many words otherwise. I still don't have a working laptop, but I'm borrowing Matt's for a while, so hopefully I can keep posting until I get mine up and running.

Soooo, I had dinner with Chloe last weekend, and I have to admit it wasn't horrible. There was still so much tension between us, but we did laugh a lot and had some pretty good conversation. I'm still not her number one fan at the moment but one step at a time right? And before you all go and call me soft, the only reason I agreed to working on our friendship was because of Sophia's wedding. I love that girl way too much to cause unnecessary drama on her big day.

Jenn and Danny are dating. That's right- they are a couple. No one was more shocked than me when I heard this. I mean, I love Danny and I love Jenn {obviously} but I still had my hopes up for her dating my brother and eventually becoming my sister. Selfish reasons, I know. I also never saw Danny settling down any time soon, but they are totally adorable together. Danny is such a macho man, but not when it comes to Jenn. Oh, and from what I've heard- the Magic Mike dance moves have already been put to the test. {You're welcome Jennifer!}

Sophia and Paul are still super boring... kidding! {sort of} Paul is super boring, Sophia on the other hand, is only boring when she's with Paul. We had signed up for a charity golf tournament that took place a few weeks ago, and let me tell you- we had so much fun. The tournament was hosted by a friend of my father's, so a solid 90% of the guys golfing were people I knew either through work or they were friends and family. Sophia and I were the only women golfing, and we were drunk by the second hole. {there's 18 just in case you didn't know} Needless to say we caused endless amounts of trouble that led to Matt driving us home half way through the day.

Speaking of Matthew, things with him are going really well! We've been spending alot of time up at his cottage  which has been extremely relaxing for the both of us. I don't know if I ever mentioned anything about his job, but it gets to be really stressful for him, so I'm happy that we get that nice escape every weekend. Oh, and I met his parents... which I will post about next.

I'm currently unemployed, which is honestly not as fun as I thought it would be. BUT I do have an amazing tan to show for it. {priorities, right?} I won't be working again until September, in my new field of work, and I am soooo excited!

From now on I'm going to be posting as often as I can, and I know you all only come here for the juicy stuff so I will get right into that in the next post! Thanks for not forgetting about me, xo.
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23 July 2015

From Me To You

Hiiiii!

I just wanted to give you guys a little heads up on what is going on. I'm leaving my current job, and tomorrow is my last day, so I won't be posting for a while. I usually use my work computer and work time to write and edit, so until I find my laptop and figure life out, I won't be posting.

I'm hoping this won't last more than a couple of weeks- and I might even surprise you all with a random post here and there {via my iPhone}. I'm going to try and use twitter more {follow me here -> @vodkatori } so I can hopefully keep you guys in the loop. 

But I love you all and I thank you for reading and following along with my crazy life. Don't forget about me!

xo Tori w
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22 July 2015

Your Ass Is Mine

“But, you’re not dating him?” Sophia asked.

Jenn had been hooking up with Danny since that weekend at the cottage. I was really happy that she was letting loose, but something about it just didn’t seem right.

“No.”

“So, you’re just banging him.” I stated matter of factly.

“Why do you always have to make things so vulgar?” Jenn snapped back.

“It’s a valid question.” Sophia defended me.

Jenn sighed in frustration before shooting me a dirty look. “Yes, we are just hooking up.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“First you guys hound me because I’m a prude and I won’t sleep with anyone. Now you guys are on me for sleeping with someone… what the hell? Can I live my own life for once?”

“Easy with the attitude, Jennifer. You know we only tease you because we love you. But you just met this guy like not even two weeks ago, and you’ve been with him literally every night since. If it’s casual than keep it casual. DO NOT fall for him!”

Jenn had a habit of doing that. She’ll sleep with a guy once and fall in love. It’s not her fault though. She has such a big heart and is truly a hopeless romantic. She avoids casual sexual relationships because of this, which is why both me and Sophia find this arrangement strange. Now don’t get me wrong- Danny is a sweetheart too {he is Matt’s brother after all}. But, he’s a total ladies man and I know for a fact he is not ready to settle down.

“I will not fall for him. He’s sexy and he’s amazing in bed. Right now, that’s all I’m interested in.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yea… we’re happy if you are.” I forced a fake smile and changed the subject.

On my way home, I sent Matt a quick text telling him that I wanted to talk to Danny, and asked him to arrange dinner plans for Sunday night. I know I shouldn’t get in the middle of my friend’s business, but I just had to make sure they were both on the same page.

“Dinner and a movie ok?”

“Yea, that’s perfect!” 

Sunday came and went, and before I knew it, it was time for dinner. We met Danny at a newish Thai place near Matt’s condo {I hate Thai food, btw}, and I have to say I felt like a very lucky lady walking in with these two godly men. I seriously need to thank their parents for creating such beautiful humans. Anyways, we were seated near the back which gave me the perfect amount of privacy to harass Danny.

“So, I hear you and Jenn have been spending lots of time together.”

“We have.”

“And where do you see this going?”

I know I was acting like an unreasonable parent, but I love Jenn way too much. Danny shifted uncomfortably in his seat and Matt shot me a disapproving look, but whatever. “Umm, we’re just having fun?”

“Danny look, I’m not judging what you guys have going on. I just want to make sure you are both on the same page and that you don’t hurt my best friend. Because I will hurt you if you do.” I emphasized that last part with my fork.

“Tori, I promise I won’t hurt her. Both Jenn and I agree on the arrangement we have. We have talked about it numerous times, and she knows that I won’t manipulate her. She told me about the last guy, and I would never do that to her. Neither one of us is ready for a relationship right now. She’s an amazing girl though. So I’m happy I got her before anyone else did.” When he spoke about Jenn, it was full of passion, and it made me wonder if I was worried about the wrong person falling in love.

“So are you saying that maybe one day you’ll want to make things official?”

“Maybe, who knows? But that won’t be for a long time.”

 I was silent for a really long time, and both Matt and Danny were trying to gauge my reaction. “Okay.” Was all I said before I picked up my fork and continued to eat. I only ordered rice though because- Thai food.

“That’s it? Okay?” Matt asked.

“Yea. I can tell he’s being sincere and I trust him.” I turned to Danny and added, “But if you hurt her- your ass is mine.”

Both Matt and Danny laughed at my tough girl act. The rest of dinner went smoothly, and I have to admit that I really like Danny. He reminds me a lot of Matt and my brother Daniel, so how could I not right? When we finished dinner, we walked across the street to the movie theatre. The men couldn’t decide on what movie to watch, so I secretly went and bought us all tickets for Magic Mike XXL. I had already seen it with the girls, so I knew exactly what a treat they were in for. Matt was kinda pissed at me, and Danny just shook his head and mumbled something but I batted my eyelashes and they knew they had no choice.

They were obviously the only two men in the theater, and I have to say- they were extremely into it. Matt now wants to learn all of the choreography {to impress me- duh!} and Danny downloaded the soundtrack as soon as we walked out of the theater. It is a pretty sweet soundtrack though.

Jenn knew that I was spending the night with Danny, and she had sent me a text while we were in the movie asking how the night went. I didn’t reply until I was in the car ready to head home.

“Dinner went great. Danny is such a sweetheart.”

“Does that mean you’re done harassing Danny and me?”

“For now… PS Just took them to see Magic Mike. You can thank me later. ;)”

“LOL. Thanks Tor, for everything. <3”
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20 July 2015

He's Worth It

 “So.. I told Matt that I loved him.”

“What? When? How? Was it romantical?” Sophia was clapping her hands and jumping up and down, while Jenn just smiled at me and laughed at Sophia’s enthusiasm.

“You guys don’t think it was too soon?” I asked.

“Are you kidding me?” Jenn said. “We knew from the first time we met him.” Sophia nodded in agreement.

“Why the hell did you not say anything to me?”

“You had to figure it out for yourself.” Sophia added. “So, how did it happen?”

I told them about what happened when Matt drunkenly told me he was in love with me, and how I didn’t respond. Then about how he enforced it the night before- after dealing with my family. Then about how Daniel and I had a heart to heart and it made me open my eyes. {I couldn’t help but notice Jenn’s mood change when I mentioned my brother- so I have to remember to talk to her about that.}

“That’s so stupid!” Sophia yelled. “You told him over the phone?!”

“I didn’t want to wait.”

“You need to do something for him to make up for that.”

That conversation really had me thinking, and I decided to do something special for Matt. He really does deserve it. He was working late Friday night, so I decided to surprise a nice romantic dinner at his place. I know, not original, but I couldn’t think of anything else- I lack romantic creativity. I asked Matt if I could go over to watch a movie, so he left a key for me at the concierge, and told me to just hang out in his condo until he got home.

I took Friday off work, and spent the whole day shopping. My first stop was Victoria's Secret, where I picked up a sexy little number and matching thigh highs. If you know me, you know that I absolutely hate lingerie, and I think it’s completely pointless but what can I say, he’s worth it. I then made my way to the grocery store and picked up all of the ingredients I needed for dinner.

By the time I got to Matt’s condo, it was almost 6pm. I had just under two hours to make sure this night was perfect. I started cooking dinner right away- stuffed pasta in a vodka sauce, grilled veal chops with roasted peppers and potatoes and a chocolate peanut butter cheesecake. {Okay, so that cheesecake was more for me than him.} I set the table, lit all of the candles that Matt had left over from the last time a surprise happened in this condo, and got dressed {undressed?}.

I was just walking out of the bedroom when I heard Matt at the door.

“Tor, why did you shut off all of the- wow.” Matt turned to face the hallway, and caught his words when he saw me.

“Hi.” I said, biting my lip. All of a sudden, I got super shy. This was the first time I’d seen Matt since the whole love thing happened and it was way more overwhelming than I imagined.

“Hi.” Matt said back, just as quietly as I did. He moved towards me and pulled me in for a soft kiss. I took his hand in mine, and led him toward the dining / kitchen area, which was lit only by the light of the candles that were scattered around the room. Matt looked around and then looked at me. “Tor, what is all of this?”

“Dinner.” Was all I could get out. This went way better in my head.

Matt laughed at my obvious nervousness “Yes, I can see that.”

“I wanted to do something for you. You deserve so much more than this, but I wanted to show you just how much you mean to me. I love you.” The last three words were barely out of my mouth before Matthew ‘s mouth was on mine.

I don't know what came over him, but instead of answering he picked me up and carried me to his bed, kissing me passionately along the way.  He laid me on my back while his hands travelled down my body and cupped my breasts. He reached behind me to unclasp the lingerie I was in and that’s when we realized it was stuck. Matt tugged at it for a while before he got up and went to the bathroom. I stood up just as he was walking back out, scissors in hand. He cut down the front delicately, catching my breasts as they popped out.

“I’ll buy you a new one.” He said in a husky voice.

“Matthew, get this off of me right now.”

He growled deep in his gut and ripped it off of me. Before I knew it he had my legs around his half naked body, my back against the wall as I felt him sliding two fingers into me.  My arms wrapped tightly around him as he them moved faster.  I felt my orgasm building just as he pulled his fingers out and threw me on the bed. There was this primal side to Matt that drove me crazy.  I moaned loudly as he finally entered me and cried out with every thrust. I held on to him tightly, my nails digging into his back as my orgasm took over me.

We didn’t move for a really long time. I curled into Matt as he traced kisses up and down my neck and shoulder. “I love you, too.” He finally said.

I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I was waking up to the sound of someone moaning. I almost died when I realized it was me. Matt was alternating between kisses on my inner thighs, and sweet soft strokes of his tongue. When he saw I was awake, he pushed a finger inside of me, and then a second, while continuing to suck on my already sensitive clit. I came almost immediately. My back arched and I screamed things that a good Catholic school girl like myself should never say. Matt climbed up on the bed, trailing kisses up my body.

We went for two more slow passionate rounds before we finally fell asleep in each other’s arms. I could get used to this love thing.
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15 July 2015

Matthew vs.Frank and Carmela

Sooooo… Matt met my parents last night. It was totally by accident, and it actually wasn’t horrible. Oh, and we love each other now- so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious. {bonus points for anyone that guesses that movie reference}

My parents are crazy protective over me- I am the baby after all {and I know they secretly love me more than Daniel}. So, anytime I brought a boy home, they always got the third degree. I think that’s why I was so scared to bring Matt home. I really like Matt, in case you guys haven’t noticed, and I did not want the parentals to scare him away.

Yesterday was such a draining day at work, and I went home with a massive headache. Matthew and I had plans to have a quick dinner and then go to a movie, and he was coming to pick me up at 7. Well, little Miss Tori was too sleepy and I ended up passing out on the couch while I was waiting for him. The next thing I knew, I was being shaken awake by my brother- who informed me that Matt was sitting in the kitchen talking to my parents.

I had to replay this sentence in my head a few times before it clicked. Matthew was alone with my parents. I peeled my ass off of the couch, and walked toward the kitchen and I was surprised by what I heard- laughter. That never happens. Like ever. My boyfriends + my parents usually equals major tension. I slowly walked around the corner and caught my mom’s glance.

“Oh, look who finally decided to join us.”

“Why didn’t you guys wake me up?”

I mouthed an apology to Matt and walked towards the fridge to get some water- all of a sudden my throat was super dry. Matt winked at me, but did not even get up to give me a hug or a kiss- which he is totally going to hear about later.

“Victoria, why would you keep such a lovely young man away from us?” She asked.  

“Lovely?”

“Oh stop it, he’s such a gentleman.” She cooed. Matt totally had my mother under some weird spell- she never talked like this.

“Victoria, come and sit.” My father is the only one who still calls me Victoria. So of course I sat beside my dad {daddy’s girl} and across from Matt.

My brother eventually joined us, and the night flew by. I helped my mom make some dinner and my dad busted out the good old Italian vino. If there’s one type of alcohol I cannot drink- it’s his home made wine. That shit is STRONGGGGG. Matt obviously didn’t say no, and I’m pretty sure I saw a tear drip from his eye as he was forcing it down. I was almost 10pm when Matt decided that it was time to go home.

“Thank you so much for dinner Mrs. Commisso.” He gave my mom a kiss on the cheek and she blushed. She’s too much sometimes.

“Please, call me Carmela.”

Matt turned to my dad next. “And thank you Mr. Commisso.”

“Frank.”

“Thank you, Frank.” Matt said shaking his hand. He made plans with my brother to go watch a Blue Jay’s game, and I walked him to his car.

“Why didn’t you guys wake me up?” I asked again.

“You looked so peaceful.” Matt said, pulling me in to him. “I only came to the door because I was worried. I know you probably didn’t want me to meet your family so soon but-“ I put my mouth on his to shut him up. Usually it’s the other way around since I’m the chatterbox in the relationship, but I could tell how nervous he was.

“Thank you.” I finally said.

“For what?”

“For being you. They loved you.”

“Well, who doesn’t?” Yup, cocky Matt was back. I slapped his arm and he pulled me in for another kiss. He got into the car and started it, rolling down his window so that I could get one more kiss in. As he was backing out of my driveway, I started to walk towards the house when I heard Matt call my name.

“Tor?”

“Yea?”

“I meant what I said the other night.” And with that he drove off.

I stood in my driveway for a solid ten minutes before I finally realized what he was talking about. He told me he was in love with me, and I never answered him. I assumed they were drunk words, but then again drunk words are sober thoughts, right?

When I walked inside the three amigos I call my family were all standing in the hallway waiting for me. “Tori- he is absolutely perfect! Why didn’t you bring him home sooner?” My mom gushed.

“Um, we just started dating like 2 months ago..”

“Who cares? Have you seen the way he looks at you? His whole face lit up when you walked into the room. Even though you look like you got hit by a truck. Would it have killed you to run a brush through that hair?”

“Thanks, mother.”

“Tor, seriously, I have never seen anyone as into you as he is.” Daniel added. “I like him. I approve.”

I looked at my dad and he just gave me the nod. He and my mom went to clean up in the kitchen and I was still standing in the hallway.

“Tor, what’s wrong?”

“Can we go talk- upstairs?”

Daniel followed me to my room and shut the door behind him.

“He told me he’s in love with me.”

“Okay.”

“And, I didn’t answer him.”

“Okay.”

“Is that all you can say?”

“Tor, what are you asking me?”

“Well, as a guy, if you told a girl you were in love with her and she didn’t say anything back..”

“I wouldn’t be upset. I would rather she didn’t say anything than say something she didn’t mean.” I stared at him for a while before he continued. “Tor, you might not understand your feelings right now, but me and the two crazies down there know.”

“Know what?”

“You love him, and he loves you. Don’t make it more complicated than it is.”

“But-“

“But nothing Tor. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, or who says what first. When you know, you know. Matt knows, and you know. Stop being so scared of letting people in.”

“You need to leave. Now.”

“Tor-“

“I need to make a phone call.”

Daniel smiled and nodded before walking out. I dialed Matt’s number and he answered on the second ring.

“I love you.” I blurted out. Matt was silent for way too long and I had a mild anxiety attack. What if that’s not what he meant? What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if I just made a complete fool out of myself? “Matt?”

“Uh, yea, I’m here. You totally caught me off guard, I was just processing.”

“I didn’t want to tell you on the phone but I had to tell you tonight. I had to tell you..”

“Tor?”

“Yea?”

“You have no idea how long I have waited to hear you say that. I love you too.”

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13 July 2015

The Breakup

Chloe and me broke up. I haven't written about Chloe in a long time, and that's mostly because I haven't seen her. It's been a month since I walked out on her at dinner, and I know I might be being dramatic- but I'm still mad at her. 

Let me give you some background on Chloe. When she was not even a year old- her father left. He left her and her mother without even so much as a word to where he was going, if he was coming back or even why he left. Needless to say, this caused a whole bunch of "bad behavior" on Chloe's part pretty much all throughout high school. It’s been almost 26 years now, and he has not even tried to contact her once.

Sophia and Chloe were always the closest. Their mother's were friends since they were in high school, so Sophia and Chloe pretty much grew up together. I met Chloe through Sophia {in sixth grade}, and we have been inseparable ever since. Jenn and Chloe haven’t ever been very close, their personalities just don’t mesh well.

When we finished high school, we all went on to college / university, but Chloe went straight to work at a retail store. She didn’t even need to work. Her mother made sure she was well taken care of, and whatever Chloe wanted, she got. To this day, Chloe is working in the same store, and has not made any attempt to get a full time job.

Things went sour between Sophia and Chloe shortly after Sophia started dating Paul. Chloe was dating some low life druggie at the time, and they were constantly going on double dates and even started planning their double wedding. Well, Jason {the druggie}, and Chloe broke up about 14 times that year before they finally called it quits. Their relationship was so toxic, and everyone was so happy that it was finally over. Everyone except Chloe. I know for a fact that Chloe resents the fact that Sophia’s relationship lasted and hers didn’t. 

Chloe’s bad attitude has only gotten worse over the years. She has always been a very difficult person to get along with, but lately it’s becoming annoying. People refuse to go out with us if they know she’s going to be there, and even avoid talking to us when she’s around. But for some reason, we’ve always catered to her needs, and because of her attitude and temper- have not mentioned any of this to her in hopes of salvaging the friendship. No one had ever stood up to her either- until I walked out on her at dinner. 

Chloe called me Friday night. She hasn’t made any attempt to contact me in the last month, so I assumed something was wrong.  

“Can we go watch Magic Mike tomorrow? Sophia and Jenn can come too.” She asked me. 

“Um, okay. What time were you thinking?” I was slightly shocked, but I figured we would have a chance to talk and hash things out. 

“Well it’s playing at 7:10 or 9:50, so you decide.” 

“Oh, so I’m coming down there I guess?” 

“What the hell Tori? All of a sudden you don’t want to ever come down here.” She snapped. 

“You have never once made an effort to meet us anywhere close by, or even in the middle. Ever. Why do we always have to come down there? You don’t pay my gas.” 

“Maybe because I don’t drive! How am I supposed to get places Tori?” Her voice was dripping with attitude and I finally had enough.

“Chloe, you have had 10 whole years to get your driver’s license and you haven’t. Since you continue to be lazy, why don’t you get on a bus, or take a taxi hell- call and Uber for all I care. Be an adult for once, and figure your shit out. Until you understand that you’re being selfish and extremely rude- I’m not coming down there.” 

“How am I being rude? I just called YOU! And now you’re yelling at me.”

“You know what- call Sophia or Jenn and see if they’re willing to be your chauffer- that’s not me anymore.” I hung up after that. I didn’t want to hear anymore of her excuses dripped in attitude. 

Both Sophia and Jenn came over Friday night and we talked about what had happened. I can tell Sophia feels torn. Chloe is going to be one of her bridesmaids, and she is really close with her family- but her behavior is out of control. Paul doesn't even want her in the bridal party anymore. Jenn on the other hand, thinks that we've given her enough chances and she needs to learn from her mistakes. I just feel like I'm too young to have to deal with a 26 year old child, you know?

I only slightly regret what I said to Chloe. Do you guys think I’m being too dramatic? Am I wrong to think the way that I do? 

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10 July 2015

Canada Day:Part Two

"Well that didn't take long."

"Oh my god, Tori! Shut the door! Oh my god!" Jenn was scrambling like a chicken without a head to find a sheet to cover herself with. Danny on the other hand looked way too impressed with himself in that moment. Turns out they got a little crazy and knocked over a side table with a lamp on it, hence the bang and glass shattering.

The rest of the night was really chill. Jenn pretty much avoided everyone and went to bed early. Evan and Danny went in to the basement to play video games {adult children}, which gave me and Matt some much needed alone time.

"Babe. I'm so happy you and Evan are cool. You're like my two favorite people." Matt slurred. We were all kind of buzzed, but Matt was well on his way to drunk town.

"Mhmm, me too." I was sitting on the floor trying to find my toiletry bag, which is never where I think I put it...

"Tor what’s wrong?" Matt sat up in the bed and gave me the look. You know that look that your dad gives you when he knows you're lying about where you really were all night? Ya, that look.

"Nothing." I said happily. I stood up and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I'm just gonna shower real quick."

I turned the water on, and let it heat up. I'm one of those people that takes steaming hot showers- it's so calming. Anyways, I sat on the counter waiting for the water to heat up, and I couldn't stop my brain from wandering.. Why was Evan trying to make Carmen jealous? What happened between her and Matt? But at the same time, Matt's words were repeating in my head. "Please stop doubting me." Ugh, this relationship shit is hard. I shook my head- as if that would make the thoughts disappear, and stood under the burning hot water for what felt like forever. {Another thing I love about this cottage- the water never gets cold. Hot showers all day erryday!}

I felt him before I saw him. Matt has a presence. When he walks into a room, you feel that he’s there before you see him- not that you could miss his big ass body. He pulled me into him and lifted my body and pinned me to the wall forcing me to make eye contact.

“Matt..” I started to protest but he silenced me by putting his mouth on mine. I tried to push him away but he just kissed me deeper and harder. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t like where this was going, but I was just way too consumed in my own thoughts. “Matt, stop!” I yelled this time and he snapped out of his trance. The water was beating on his back while he still had me pressed up against the wall. He stared at me intensely, as if he was trying to read me. Matt pushed my hair from my face and kissed me softer. As he started to put me down, my already sensitive nipples brushed against his chest and all kinds of things started happening to my body. I had to have him, now. I slid all the way down until I was on my knees and had him in my mouth. He groaned and pulled my hair back, only intensifying my need for him.

“Tor, I’m not coming unless I’m inside you.” Matt growled, like an actual beast would. {I like to refer to us as Beauty and the Beast, because how cute right?} He picked me up and pinned me between his body and the wall, entering me in one swift motion. I cried out his name and wrapped my legs around his body as he moved in and out of me. It wasn’t long before we were both shaking with pleasure.

Matt grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body before shutting off the water, and carrying me to bed. We went for another two rounds of slower, softer and way more passionate sex before either one of us grew tired.

I was drifting off into sleep when I felt Matt’s lips on my closed eyelids. For a big man, he gives the sweetest and softest kisses. He pulled me into him and whispered in my ear. “I’m so in love with you, Tor.” I have no idea where that came from, or why he said it, but he did. I obviously suck at feelings, so I just pushed my booty into him and pulled his arms tighter around me.

The next morning we all woke up to banging on the door. Sophia and Paul had arrived, way too early. They’re a supper annoying couple sometimes. We ended up spending the whole day on the boat, bonding and tanning. Jenn was starting to open up again which was good. She’s way too tightly wound, and needs a little help loosening up. I guess Sophia was a welcome distraction. Plus there was wine, so…

We all left Sunday morning for our three hour drive back in to the city. Danny offered to drive Jenn home, and to my surprise she actually accepted. I winked at her and she just laughed and slapped my arm, so I guess that’s a good sign? Evan tried to hug me goodbye, but I kind of half hugged him because I’m still not sure about him. None of the guys seemed to like Paul too much, which is normal. He comes across as a total douche, but deep down he is a really nice guy.  


Sunday night, before Matt brought me home, we went for a walk in a park beside my house. This park also happens to be the breeding ground for mosquitoes. Long story short, I got eaten alive and Matt spent his Sunday night rubbing tea tree oil all over my swollen and itchy ass. And I know what you’re all thinking… how romantic, right? ;) 
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08 July 2015

Canada Day: Part One

Matt text me saying that he would be finished work at 1, and would be at my house by 2. I was both excited and super nervous for this weekend away. Matt’s friends and my friends were all coming up with us, and it would be the first time I was meeting his friends, and the first time our friends were meeting each other. Matt had already met my friends, so he was at an advantage.

What if they didn't like me? What if they didn't like each other? What if I didn't like them? I couldn't stop my mind from working overtime, but I promised myself that this weekend would not define me and Matt's relationship, no matter what the outcome was. 

When we pulled up to the cottage, there were already two cars in the driveway. Matt informed me that they belonged to his brother Daniel {who liked to be called Danny}, and of course, Evan. I was more than nervous to meet Evan because of the whole Carmen situation, but I put on my fake smile and followed Matt up to the house. We walked into the house, and I didn’t even have time to put my bags down, before I was picked up and squeezed by two of the biggest men I have ever seen in my life. 

Both Danny and Evan were just as tall as Matthew {6'5"} and just as huge. I swear these giants just all find each other and become bffs. After putting me down they finally introduced themselves. Danny was extremely good looking. He had a softer face than Matt, less angular and more rounded features, with the same piercing green eyes. Evan on the other hand was the best looking ginger I've ever seen. I immediately saw the resemblance between him and Carmen, but I quickly pushed her out of my mind. 

"You must be Victoria." Danny said. "We have heard SOOOO much about you." He said dramatically. He looked at Evan and then at Matt, who turned beat read, and they all started laughing. 

"Uh, yea, that’s me." I answered, still completely overwhelmed by the jolly green giants in front of me. 

"Ya, and I'm Jenn,- just in case anyone cares!" I heard Jenn pipe up. I completely forgot she was standing behind me. 

Matt started to laugh, and quickly introduced Jenn. "Guys this is Tori's friend Jennifer. Heir other friend Sophia and her fiancĂ© are coming up tomorrow morning too." 

Danny wasted no time in trying to impress Jenn. He grabbed her bags, linked arms with her and showed her around the house while we all settled into our own bedrooms. Matt wanted to take a quick shower since he had been working all day, so I decided to grab a glass of wine and sit on the back deck. I was leaning on the railing looking out at the sunset when Evan walked outside and asked if he could join me. 

"I can tell you're nervous around me, and please don't be." He said sheepishly. I don't know why, but I find it completely adorable when big burly men get all quiet and shy. I looked down at my glass, not sure what to say, but he continued. "I heard what Carmen did to you, and I'm apologizing on her behalf and I'm sorry too. I had no idea that she was going to attack you like that. That was not my intention at all. I only showed her that picture to make her jealous." 

"Evan, I'm not mad at you at all. Do I think she's a bitch? Yeah. But I won't ever hold that against you. You seem like a sweet guy, and any guy that has enough balls to come out here and apologize for someone else's behavior is alright in my books." 

He smiled shyly. “Trust me; you aren’t the only one around here that thinks of her that way. I love her because she’s my sister, but that woman is a huge pain in my ass. I’m so happy she moved out of the country.”

I gave him a weak smile before asking, “Why would she be jealous of me?”

“Tori, have you seen the way Matt looks at you? That look would make any woman jealous.” My mind drifted and I remembered the way Matt’s eyes trail over my body and started blushing. I got lost in my thoughts when I heard Evan speak again. "So, are we good?" He asked.

"Yes, of course!" I said, snapping back to reality.

Evan turned and hugged me again. "I really am happy that Matt found you. I haven't seen him this happy in a really long time."

Matt walked out just as we pulled apart, and gave us both questioning looks. Both me and Evan started laughing at his obvious confusion. We assured him that all was good and that we were well on our way to becoming “besties” as Evan put it.

It was getting late and we were all starving, so I went inside to find Jenn while the guys started the barbeque. I checked in all of the bedrooms, the kitchen, the game room in the basement and this chick was nowhere to be found! I almost started to panic, but then realized that Danny was missing as well.

For a quick second I thought maybe they were hooking up somewhere, but then I remembered this is Jenn we’re talking about. I stopped searching for the two of them until I heard a huge bang and glass breaking. I had no idea that there was another room on the opposite side of the house, so being inspector Tori, I had to check out what was happening in there. {sidenote: I'm totally that girl that walks towards the killer in a horror movie}

By the time I had my hand on the door knob, Matt and Evan were right behind me. They had heard the noise too, and came it to make sure I was alright. So cute right? Anyways, I opened the door and was literally speechless. There they were. Jenn and Danny. Danny and Jenn. A tangled, naked mess. 
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06 July 2015

If It Feels Good...

Canada Day was on a Wednesday this year, which seemed to be super confusing for the construction world. Basically all of our job sites decided to take different days off, some Wednesday, some Friday and some were just working straight through. I was given a choice on what day I wanted off, so I decided to take Friday off, and enjoy a nice long weekend. Matt had to work both days, which sucked, but he promised he would leave early on Friday so that we could go up to the cottage again.

Friday morning I woke up unusually early, so I grabbed a quick breakfast with Jenn. She's a teacher, so she gets summer vacation- which I am super jealous of! We met at a cute breakfast spot that specializes in their fresh fruit dishes, and it did not disappoint. After breakfast we decided to get some shopping in. She was coming up to the cottage with Matt and me. Sophia was meeting us there Saturday morning, with her fiance Paul. Matt's brother was also going to be there with Evan, so I assured Jenn she wouldn't be the fifth wheel!

On our drive to the mall, I asked Jenn if she had talked to any of the guys that she met on her birthday. She had been so excited that night, and I wanted to see if that was just drunk Jenn talking.

“Actually, this guy Mark is taking me out next weekend.” She replied. I couldn’t exactly read her expression so I pressed on.

“And are you happy with that?”

“Tor, I wouldn’t have said yes if I wasn’t.” She said with way more attitude than necessary.

“Okay, so then what’s the problem? You’re not exactly jumping for joy.”  

“There’s no problem, it’s just.. I don’t know. There’s so much pressure when dating someone at our age. You’re basically gonna marry this person or break up, you know? Plus I don’t really remember what he looks like, what if I think he’s gross?!”

Jenn was too cute sometimes. But she did have a point. She has two older sisters that are both married, and I know she feels the pressure from her parents to find a husband and settle down. “Well, if he’s gross just put up with the date and then tell him you’re not interested. Don’t just walk out on him- that’s rude.” I started. “And, the whole marriage thing is so far from your mind. Don’t even let that influence you.”

“Why is it so easy for you Tor. You have no cares in the world. I know for a fact you are not even considering marrying Matt, and that doesn’t bug you at all! Why can’t I be like that?”

“Jenn, do you want to be married right now?”

“No. Not even a little bit.”

“Okay, there’s your answer. You don’t want it, so don’t look for it. I won’t date anyone that isn’t on the same page as me, and you shouldn’t either. But, I wouldn’t count out this Mark guy before you’ve even gone out! He could be the non-marrying type you’re looking for! And if all else fails, just bang him until you find the one…”

Jenn gasped in shock, and through laughter she started reprimanding me. “TORI! Sex is not always the answer you know!”

“Whatever.” I said dismissively. My friends never had the same opinions on sex as I did. Both Sophia and Jenn are all “sex is for someone you love…” I’m more of the “if it feels good... do it” kind of girl. We laughed it off as we continued shopping. The one thing that I love about my friends is that even though we have different views on most things, we would never judge each other. 

"Seriously Tori. it might have worked for you and Matt, but I just can't be like that." 

"I know babe. But stop stressing and just go with the flow." I said with a big smile. Jenn really was such a great girl. She just had to learn to relax and not let her family's pressure get to her. 

"Oh, and I almost forgot. Both Evan and Matt's brother Daniel are single if you wanna have a fling this weekend." I said raising my eyebrows, which caused us both to burst into laughter.

"Wait, Matt's brother's name is Daniel too?" Jenn asked. In the beginning it was kind of weird that me and Matt had brothers with the same name, but now it was old news. 

"Yea... but he's way hotter than my brother." 

"You have to say that." Jenn was starting to blush, and I knew my instincts were right. She is totally hooked on my brother. 

Daniel {my brother} is a very good looking guy. He's about 6 feet tall, with dirty blonde hair and piercing hazel eyes. He's two years older than me, and has been my number one protector since I was born. We've always been super close, and he has the biggest heart. He works for my dad's company as well, and will probably end up taking over one day. Come to think of it, Jenn and Daniel are very similar. Honestly, I think they would make the perfect couple.

"Jenn, do you wanna date my brother?"
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